12/30/15
I'll admit it. I thought racism was going away. Obviously, I was terribly wrong. I knew that older people had reached some younger people. Then, those younger people would birth even younger people, and pass their own ignorance on. But, I thought over time, it would lessen the effect.
However, now protests are found in major cities around the country. Some show up, then there are a few broken windows--some arrests made. Then, the protests go away.
Currently in Cleveland, the Tamir Rice protests are underway. The usual disruption of traffic flow, etc. Some people are angry they're there. Protesters are angry that the angry people protesting their protests aren't properly protesting with them.
The big tragedy is the loss of a young life. A black life, I know. But a life feels like a life to me. Once it's gone, it's gone. And the memory of us begins to shrink away, until it's like we weren't here at all. This kid's life was valuable to those who loved him. Now, it represents a much bigger cause. As it should.
I'm especially bothered by all of this because I think a lot of people failed this child. Yes, he shouldn't have been waving a gun around in a park in the first place. Toy or not, it really doesn't matter. We all know what the gun represents. When you point a gun at someone, you're aiming at them. He should've been instructed where this is and is not appropriate.
Why do we even have toy guns? They're pretty vile instruments. Many people, especially in the inner city, look at a gun as a very normal and necessary thing. Like I do with a car. You've gotta have one because you just need to have it. That's all. Somewhere, those who were teaching him about behavior failed him.
Secondly, the 911 emergency system failed him. They didn't have a lot of details. They sent the officers to the scene with the idea that live weaponry was quite possibly involved. 911 is supposed to be a safety net. Here, it was Tamir's death sentence. This failure is unacceptable.
Thirdly, these police failed him. These cops certainly feared him. Why? Black? Possible weapon? Both? It doesn't matter. They feared him and they acted quickly because of that fear. Because they acted aggressively, he's no longer alive.
But most importantly, we're all failing him now. There's no change being enacted because of him. There are more protests, and more angry white v black or black v white tweets. What is this doing? Nothing. We have to change the fact that so many people are dying when they don't need to.
We simply need to all recognize there's a problem. And we need to address these individual issues on their own. Change the way officers are trained to handle situations like Tamir's--to avoid senseless tragedies in the near future. Examine our obsession with handguns and weapons. Show our children that the music and culture they see everyday doesn't have to be the reality they deal with as they grow up.
Finally, we need to let others help us raise our children. Not by physical means, obviously. But, just by being involved in their child's decision-making and upbringing. Think about how many people helped to raise you personally! Family, friends, neighbors. Everything you read, heard and watched all came together to form who you are. If just one kid had talked to Tamir about his toy (and its nature), he might still be here. And if one person had talked to these officers about the decision they were about to face, it might have ended differently. But we can't block bridges. And we can't burn bridges. We have to build bridges. Together. As it stands now, it feels like an endless, empty cycle.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
2015: The Best Albums of the Year
2015. This year felt very refreshing. I almost felt overwhelmed at times because there seemed like there was a new release I was stoked about every single week. In fact, at first, I had a list of 20 albums I really loved. I narrowed it down to 10. So, sincere apologies to Ben Folds , The Underachievers and Failure--you get left on the lengthy honorable mentions this year.
Honorable Mentions:
Low, Ones and Sixes
Ben Folds, So There
Lamb of God, VII: Sturm und Drang
Failure, The Heart is a Monster
Muse, Drones
The Underachievers, Evermore: The Art of Duality
Freddie Gibbs, Shadow of a Doubt
Iron Maiden, The Book of Souls
Chelsea Wolfe, Abyss
Here's my 10 favorite albums of 2015:
I think Mr. Cornell has been wanting to make the album for a long time. His first solo effort Euphoria Morning (or Euphoria Mourning as he's labeling it for the re-release--which seems quite daft) was pretty solid. But his solo effort since have been less effective. Especially his foray into hip-hop (if that's what you want to call it)--Scream. Yikes. That album was pretty terrible. However, he's hitting all the right marks with Higher Truth. Lyrically, he seems devoted to searching for a larger meaning in life on many of the tracks. Or he displays overt confidence and vulnerability at the same time on "Let Your Eyes Wander." I believe he's always wanted to create an album with a cutting honesty, while staying in a mostly acoustic vein. That's what he's achieved here. I didn't mind the latest Soundgarden release. But I think the songwriting on Higher Truth is much more precise. It's a worthwhile listen, and I've revisited it countless times over.
No, this list isn't only going to be filled with '90s rockers returning to past glories. However, this album DOES it for MM. His last several efforts have always blended together to me. I enjoyed Mechanical Animals quite a bit. But after that, only Eat Me, Drink Me has grabbed my attention in the slightest. But this album is a powerhouse. He's like a sexy, satanic lounge singer, spewing nonsense to the underworld. There's a subtlety here, but the darkness in the undercurrent never fully engulfs the listener. I know he likes to change lineups and songwriting partners here and there, but he shouldn't mess with this formula. This is a great album from start to finish. If you need a key track, "Third Day of a Seven Day Binge" is it. But the album has no filler.
My Dying Bride is one of the most respected acts in doom metal. There's a prolific sadness carried by this entire album. In fact, between this and Chelsea Wolfe's Abyss, I could see how a person could be driven into a depression coma in 2015. Guitarist Calvin Robertshaw has returned for this, their twelfth album. It's another epic. Eight songs clocking in at just over 62 minutes. Aaron Stainthorpe bellows and howls in his melancholy ways--and it works every time. Tracks "And My Father Left Forever" and "A Cold New Curse" stick with me the most. But if you want dark, downtrodden metal done by the best in the world, this is your fix.
Ghost gets a lot of hatred in metal circles. I've seen them twice, and even I was floored by the amount of meat heads in the crowd. I think they opened for Metallica or something. I dunno. But people see the costumes and the gimmick, and they automatically want to tune them out. But I can't dislike this band. I loved their first full length--in fact, it was my favorite album that year. But I hadn't even SEEN what they looked like yet. So, by the time the gimmick was presented to me, I was already in love with the music. So, they're one of my favorites, Nameless Ghoul gimmick be damned. Once again, a solid album from start to finish. The best song on the album is "Deus In Absentia"--and the chorus hook will stay in your head for days.
I came into this thinking that there's no way they could top their last effort, 2012's Yellow & Green. I was right. This isn't as good as that album. But it's damned close. In fact, I've only had about two weeks to listen to this album. It might continue to grow on me. Baroness hipsters are already complaining that this is the band's BLACK album. Selling out like Metallica. Whatever. Piss off. This is a great disc. Wonderful songwriting. Epic performance. Every single chorus is catchier than the last. "Shock Me" and "Chlorine and Wine" are the first singles--and for good reason. But this album feels best as a whole. Every once in a while, methinks the Mastodon effect is reaching these boys a bit too much. But that's my only concern. Otherwise, I know this band will continue to make top notch records every couple of years. I just started listening to this, and I am already foaming at the mouth, waiting to see what they do next. Oh, also, they're great live. Don't miss a chance to see them.
Canadian and great, Hayden is now on to his eighth album, Hey Love. This is very simplistic in its design. Most of these songs are constructed with warm bass guitar, drums, acoustic guitar and a few keys or strings thrown in. As always, the star is Hayden's voice. As he gets older, his voice sounds more worn, yet more earnest. Better, I'd say. His albums are all quite different, but I love this return to pure, straight-forward songwriting. "No Happy Birthday"--a song written after his child told him that he'd have trouble writing a song as catchy as Happy Birthday--is my favorite song of 2015. Other standout tracks include "Hey Love" and "Shelter." Do yourself a favor and listen to all of his albums. You won't regret it.
Most pop music is pretty awful. But this is excellent pop music. My ears need bubble gum from time to time, and Art Angels is the chewiest, most delectable gum I've had in years. Grimes is now on her fourth album, and she's learning how to do this song writing thing very proficiently. Also, like Hayden above, she's Canadian. Go Canada, eh? These songs feel more mature and much easier to consume than her past efforts. As with Baroness above, the Grimes fans are complaining that this album is too catchy and that it will bring out all of the "non-fans". If so, count me in as one of those. Her other albums just never held my attention, but this one keeps it all the way through. The redone version of "RealiTi" (which was released earlier this year as a single) and "Flesh Without Blood" are great--but don't skip out on "Kill V. Maim" or "California"--in fact, just listen to the entire album a bunch of times. I dare you to avoid getting hooked.
Bjork doesn't always do it for me. I know she's weird and unique. I love that. But sometimes, she seems like she's trying too hard to be odd. Like, once the eyes of society/music culture are upon her, she wears a swan dress or beats up a reporter. The reason this is my favorite Bjork album ever is because it finds her at her most vulnerable. Like Beck's Sea Change, a break-up has forced her to confront her own loneliness with song. In fact, this album's liner notes have listed how long after or before her break-up she wrote the song. It feels like she is fully exposed and often lost. The orchestration is some of the best I've heard from a modern artist. "Stonemilker" is gut-wrenching, but you also must visit "History of Touches" (wow--lyrics--wow) and "Black Lake" are also excellent from top to bottom. This is her finest hour. In her sorrow, she's created the soundtrack to heartache. It's breathtaking.
Before I get into this album, I want to tell you what inspired it. Wilson said it was inspired by the story of Joyce Carol Vincent, a young woman who died in her loft, and no one noticed she was gone for over THREE YEARS. Her body was alone for that long, and no friend or family member cared to find her. That's loneliness. This album treats solitude and isolation with artistic strokes abound. Steven Wilson is the mastermind behind Porcupine Tree, a band who has obliterated the universe with countless releases over the past almost thirty years. This is Wilson's fourth solo record, and it's his best. I also got to see him pull this off live in a small theatre in Pennsylvania this year. It was one of the best concerts I've ever seen. Melodic themes revisit throughout the album, sometimes in different forms. It feels more like a book than a record. "Routine" is one of the saddest songs I've ever heard. Watch the music video on YouTube if you want to weep a bit. Steven Wilson is one of the greatest songwriters alive today, and this is his finest hour.
This is fairly predictable, if you know me. Faith No More is my favorite band, and this is their first original release since 1997. It would almost have been number one before I heard it. But once I heard it, I knew my life had instantly gotten better. They seem like they haven't missed a step. Many of these songs will jump right into their set list, and will feel right at home with the rest of their discography. Is it as good as 1992's Angel Dust? Nope. Is it as amazing as The Real Thing? Nah. But both of those album were redefining GENRES of music. This album is the band just trying to redefine itself. They're all older. Several side projects and life lessons under their belts. It hits on all the FNM watermarks. From the chaos of "Separation Anxiety" into the epic thunder of "Matador" to the rage of "Superhero"--this album has it all. I feel like I've waited a lifetime. Please, Faith No More. Please. Please be here to stay.
Honorable Mentions:
Low, Ones and Sixes
Ben Folds, So There
Lamb of God, VII: Sturm und Drang
Failure, The Heart is a Monster
Muse, Drones
The Underachievers, Evermore: The Art of Duality
Freddie Gibbs, Shadow of a Doubt
Iron Maiden, The Book of Souls
Chelsea Wolfe, Abyss
Here's my 10 favorite albums of 2015:
 |
| #10 - Chris Cornell, Higher Truth |
 |
| #9 - Marilyn Manson, The Pale Emperor |
 |
| #8 - My Dying Bride, Feel The Misery |
 |
| #7 - Ghost, Meliora |
Ghost gets a lot of hatred in metal circles. I've seen them twice, and even I was floored by the amount of meat heads in the crowd. I think they opened for Metallica or something. I dunno. But people see the costumes and the gimmick, and they automatically want to tune them out. But I can't dislike this band. I loved their first full length--in fact, it was my favorite album that year. But I hadn't even SEEN what they looked like yet. So, by the time the gimmick was presented to me, I was already in love with the music. So, they're one of my favorites, Nameless Ghoul gimmick be damned. Once again, a solid album from start to finish. The best song on the album is "Deus In Absentia"--and the chorus hook will stay in your head for days.
 |
| #6 - Baroness, Purple |
 |
| #5 - Hayden, Hey Love |
 |
| #4 - Grimes, Art Angels |
 |
| #3 - Bjork, Vulnicura |
 |
| #2 - Steven Wilson, Hand.Cannot.Erase. |
 |
| #1 Faith No More, Sol Invictus |
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Youth in the rear view
10/20/2015As a child, I remember going to church and then dropping by my Grandma Begeot's house afterwards. I didn't really know that Grandma Begeot was actually Great-Grandma Begeot. Didn't really matter to me. I knew family was there, and people watching Browns football--and my "Aunt Betty." That's all. Simple as that.
Betty Jean, my Great-Aunt (like I said, didn't really care about the distinction at the time) was in a wheelchair all of my life. And all of her life. She had a form of Palsy, which--as my mother explained to me today--was from being born with Jaundice. My brother and I were also born with this, but it was in the late 70s/early 80s. So, treatment was available then. But, when my Aunt Betty was born in 1946, they couldn't treat it as effectively. So, she was unable to control her muscle movements for all of her lifetime.
On Sundays, as soon as we arrived at Grandma Begeot's, I'd eat a cheese sandwich (with Miracle Whip, and cut once). Also, the cheese couldn't be broken before the sandwich was cut, or I'd demand a different, unmutilated, piece of cheese. I was the first kid on that side of the family, with my mother and three aunts. So, I was spoiled. I got what I wanted, usually. So, that was nice.
I'd take Betty over to the other side of the house, and I'd shut the door, and we'd just talk a lot. She was hard to understand, but I got pretty efficient at it, after a while. We'd talk about school, and dancing. She'd say "Hubba Hubba!" and throw her arms around if I told her about a girl at school that I thought was cute. She'd tell me how smart I was for getting As. She'd tell me about things she'd done that week, or TV Shows she'd watched.
You know, she was in her mid 30s at that point. I was probably five or six years old. But she talked to me like nobody else. She treated me like an adult, in a way. She'd ask my opinion about things she'd seen, and would accept my suggestions and answers like I was a college student or something. She'd laugh at my jokes, and she'd tell me things were going to be okay if I was worried about something.
Eventually, Grandma Begeot passed away, and the family quit going to her house every Sunday. Betty would get moved into nursing homes/facilities. I'd see her at family functions, and would say hi and give her a big hug. She was always so very excited to see me. And I was always equally thrilled to see her.
Unexpectedly, this week, my Aunt Betty died.
I haven't seen her very much at all in the past ten years or so. A handful of times. She was 69 years old. She lived almost 70 years, bound to a chair. Unable to control her own body. She never complained to me. As a kid, she could've told me that she was jealous that I could grow up and do what I wanted. She could've been jealous. But she never was.
She just always told me to live life, and to boogie. And that's what I've tried to do.
Today, at her calling hours, they were playing a slide show of 35-40 pictures. The third one in had me sitting on her lap, my mouth agape. I was maybe a year old. And pictures of Betty Jean in her yard with her mother, gone for almost 30 years now--I saw them all. It felt like two days ago. I remember everything about that time in my life, very fondly. Those years really shaped me into who I am now--and Betty has a lot to do with it, in hindsight. Her eyes had a gentility and she always--always--cared about what I had to say to her. She was the first adult that seemed to get me. I'll never forget her for that. Especially when it's time to boogie.
Monday, January 26, 2015
The Double Standard: 50 Shades and the Role of Women in Films
01/26/15
I haven't read very much of 50 Shades of Grey. I checked out a couple of excerpts, just to see what all of the fuss was about. Wow. It's, well. Visual. Graphic, even. It's like the bodice ripper crap novels that used to be next to the checkout lines at all of the Giant Eagles, with the perversion knob turned all the way to 11. The bodice rippers go to 10. This book goes to 11.
Of course, when I heard this was coming to the silver screen--I was reticent. Part of me felt that this was like acceptable soft pornography for females to indulge in, while men are often judged negatively for doing the same thing.
But that original gut reaction was incorrect. The more I've thought about it, the more I've realized that 99% of movie plots involve the male being the aggressor, the female being the pursued. Yes, 50 Shades is that same sort of thing. But it's the female exploring the darker desires, while the male seems quite a bit like an object, at times.
It's a rather sharp double-standard. Most men probably aren't comfortable with this type of film coming out because women are usually shamed for expressing some of the same sentiments that men express amongst their friends, on the Internet, out loud. Men are hailed as studs, women reviled as tramps. Men don't need to repress their blatant aggressiveness--we probably should. But society doesn't really require us to do so. We're always portrayed, in films and in books, as the chaser after the chaste.
I would figure it would be rather difficult being female, watching a large majority of the films displaying the woman as the object that always needs protected. Then, once protected, desired. It's cliché and expected. Maybe it's not too jarring because we're all trained to fit these roles from the time we get blue and pink blankets in our cribs. The women who are represented as strong and aggressive figures on film and in literature are usually just given these traits by making them more masculine and aggressive--even by throwing them in leather and armor, with a bow and arrow--not really independent.
So, I've decided to shut up. It's probably time for women to enjoy a film where inhibitions are not forced upon them by being the object of the gaze the entire time. The role reverses a little bit. Society is just going to have to be comfortable with that. Maybe even confronting, on another level, the fact that many of the preconceived notions are outdated--and due for a shift.
I haven't read very much of 50 Shades of Grey. I checked out a couple of excerpts, just to see what all of the fuss was about. Wow. It's, well. Visual. Graphic, even. It's like the bodice ripper crap novels that used to be next to the checkout lines at all of the Giant Eagles, with the perversion knob turned all the way to 11. The bodice rippers go to 10. This book goes to 11.
Of course, when I heard this was coming to the silver screen--I was reticent. Part of me felt that this was like acceptable soft pornography for females to indulge in, while men are often judged negatively for doing the same thing.
But that original gut reaction was incorrect. The more I've thought about it, the more I've realized that 99% of movie plots involve the male being the aggressor, the female being the pursued. Yes, 50 Shades is that same sort of thing. But it's the female exploring the darker desires, while the male seems quite a bit like an object, at times.
It's a rather sharp double-standard. Most men probably aren't comfortable with this type of film coming out because women are usually shamed for expressing some of the same sentiments that men express amongst their friends, on the Internet, out loud. Men are hailed as studs, women reviled as tramps. Men don't need to repress their blatant aggressiveness--we probably should. But society doesn't really require us to do so. We're always portrayed, in films and in books, as the chaser after the chaste.
I would figure it would be rather difficult being female, watching a large majority of the films displaying the woman as the object that always needs protected. Then, once protected, desired. It's cliché and expected. Maybe it's not too jarring because we're all trained to fit these roles from the time we get blue and pink blankets in our cribs. The women who are represented as strong and aggressive figures on film and in literature are usually just given these traits by making them more masculine and aggressive--even by throwing them in leather and armor, with a bow and arrow--not really independent.
So, I've decided to shut up. It's probably time for women to enjoy a film where inhibitions are not forced upon them by being the object of the gaze the entire time. The role reverses a little bit. Society is just going to have to be comfortable with that. Maybe even confronting, on another level, the fact that many of the preconceived notions are outdated--and due for a shift.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Life Ain't Nothing But Bits and Money: Video Games That Stick With Me
01/19/15
A couple of days ago, while looking at my brand new, shiny consoles--I got sad. I felt like a failure. I have about 20 games from the last generation of consoles that I never finished, and it makes me feel wasteful. Why did I not finish them? Too busy? Maybe. But probably not. I just get bored or get excited about the next thing that's coming out.
I joke that the reason I buy all the new consoles right away is because, as a child, I was usually a console behind. I got Pong when the Atari came out. I got an Atari very shortly before the Nintendo hit market. When the 16 Bit revolution was going on, I still played the Nintendo for quite a while. New consoles were expensive, and my family certainly wasn't wealthy when I was growing up. So now, if it comes out, I usually snag it up right away like the spoiled brat that I am.
Anyhow, I decided to take on Bioshock. I've never gotten more than one hour into the game. I think this is my third time starting over. So far, it's a blast. It got me to thinkin'--what games shaped me into the gamer I am now? If I had to just pick a handful, from all of the consoles past and present, what games would be on my Mount Rushmore of games. Well, these games would:
Pong
This game really was my first system. Just two knobs. My brother wasn't born yet, or he was just drooling at that point. No neighbors. I just played with myself all the time. Yikes. You know what I mean.
Pitfall (Atari 2600)
You could go underground and there were alligators. That's really all I needed to love this game. Not sure if you could "beat" the game, per say. But I loved it. So much so, this is incorporated into my video game tattoo. Yes, I have a video game tattoo. I'm that guy.
Bowling (Atari 2600)
This game was just pure fun, and I could play for hours.
Warlords (Atari 2600)
Yes! This game allowed four people to play against each other, at home. This was quite unheard of. Players also used the turny-knob controllers, which I really only used for this and the one nighttime racing game.
Mario Brothers, Super Mario Brothers, SMB 2, SMB 3 (NES)
My obsession with Mario started early. I couldn't get enough of these games, and all of them felt so unique. I must say, Super Mario Brothers 3 is my favorite, but 2 has quite a bit of charm as well. Mario is part of the tat.
The Legend of Zelda Games (except II) -- Several Systems
I really hated Zelda II, but every other Zelda game has been awesome. I haven't finished Skyward Sword and I never finished Windwaker. But I just got the HD update for the WiiU of Windwaker, so that might be next on my list to finish--if I ever conquer Bioshock. Ocarina of Time and A Link to the Past are tied for my favorites. Both great games! Link is part of the tat.
Contra (NES)
Sure I used up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A--who didn't? But eventually, I got good enough where I could beat this game with less than three lives. Shooting the aliens heart repeatedly at the end was extremely rewarding. The music was catchy, and the guns (except for that damned spinny, spirally gun) were awesome!
Tekken 2 (PlayStation)
I never loved fighting games, but this one was great. When I lived with a few friends, we'd have people over and just play this forever. Except Eddy Gordo. Screw that guy.
Sonic the Hedgehog (Genesis)
I hung out with a few friends in Girard and played this from the time we got home from school until I had to go home to sleep. Still fun to play! Seriously. It has aged well.
Conker's Bad Fur Day (N64)
This squirrel swore, he bounced around on a flowers boobs and the money would talk to you and taunt you in a New York accent. I couldn't believe the raunchiness of this game--which is nothing compared to more recent games. But I loved it, and I'd play it again right now. I'm sure it still is fun and hysterical.
GoldenEye (N64)
Everybody loves this game. Everyone. I had a N64 which I'd take everywhere to play against friends. I called it the box full of fun. And it was, every time.
No Mercy/WrestleMania 2000 (N64)
This is when wrestling games were simply pure, unadulterated fun. Now it's complex to line up ladders with belts, and tables, and buttons and timing. These games were the best, and I'd play, alone and with friends, for hours. In fact, No Mercy would go in my Top 5, no question.
Resident Evil (PlayStation)
A game which was scary? Legitimately scary. They're about to release an updated version tomorrow (I think) for the new consoles, and I'll probably pick it up. The controls seem clunky now, but back when it was released, I'd never seen anything like it. So engaging!
WrestleFest (Arcade Game)
I told my Dad when we were at Truck World, when I was like 14, "Someday, I'll buy this when I'm a man, so I can play it at home!" My dad said, "Son, you won't want that when you're grown up. You'll want adult things." Yeah, I own it. It's in my basement right now.
Grand Theft Auto 4 & 5 (Xbox360)
I know San Andreas and GTA3 were groundbreaking, but these games was so unbelievable. The storylines were always shifting and changing, and you could do WHATEVER you want in them. I gave up over 60 hours on each one, and it was the best 120 hours you can spend on a game.
The Last of Us (PS3)
This might be the greatest game I've ever played. I'm not 100% sure. But it's close. Every second is on-the-edge-of-your-seat action, and the ending is the most soul-destroying ending I've ever seen for a game. It starts out with insanity, and it never quits for over 20 hours. There are several cut scenes which I will never forget for the rest of my life,
NBA2K14 (PS4)
The only game I've ever spent over 100 hours playing (Zelda: Twilight Princess clocked in at just under 90). I took my player, Smoove Wilcox to a title with the New Orleans Pelicans. Sometimes, when I see the Pelicans on TV, I still think they actually won a title. It was just really, really fun.
Socom 2 (PlayStation 2)
This was the first game I ever played online against people. Jeremy and I would play the Abandoned board over and over and over. We were such campers, but we were good. I eventually created a gamer name alternative so offensive, that all the players on my own team would just kill me as soon as I spawned. Calling me terrible names. Boy, that was a good time.
Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 2 (XBox360)
I've never played so much online war. It never got old, and it was the first game to incorporate all the weapon upgrades that ACTUALLY made a difference.
Tiger Woods Golf 2004 (Gamecube)
All I have to say, this game was so fun, I started golfing in real life just because I liked the video game. That's right, my third favorite hobby, behind music and gaming--started because of this game. It's cost me thousands of dollars and handfuls of broken clubs since then. I don't regret a thing.
Animal Crossing (Gamecube)
This game never really WENT anywhere, but I got a statue of myself eventually and I made shirts making fun of my friend Julian, which ended up in games in Chicago because TubRing stayed at our house after we played with them at the Binghi. That's a memory for a lifetime.
Metal Gear Solid 2 (PlayStation 2)
I hid under a box for 25 hours and choked dudes out. Then I threw them in lockers. Yes, that WAS amazingly entertaining!
Batman Arkham Asylum (PS3)
Just a badassed game. It makes you FEEL like you're really Batman. How can that NOT be awesome. The newer games in the series are just as good--but this was my first!
All I know is that the PS4 and XboxOne are the most powerful consoles I've ever owned. I can't wait to see what the next decade of gaming has in store!
A couple of days ago, while looking at my brand new, shiny consoles--I got sad. I felt like a failure. I have about 20 games from the last generation of consoles that I never finished, and it makes me feel wasteful. Why did I not finish them? Too busy? Maybe. But probably not. I just get bored or get excited about the next thing that's coming out.
I joke that the reason I buy all the new consoles right away is because, as a child, I was usually a console behind. I got Pong when the Atari came out. I got an Atari very shortly before the Nintendo hit market. When the 16 Bit revolution was going on, I still played the Nintendo for quite a while. New consoles were expensive, and my family certainly wasn't wealthy when I was growing up. So now, if it comes out, I usually snag it up right away like the spoiled brat that I am.
Anyhow, I decided to take on Bioshock. I've never gotten more than one hour into the game. I think this is my third time starting over. So far, it's a blast. It got me to thinkin'--what games shaped me into the gamer I am now? If I had to just pick a handful, from all of the consoles past and present, what games would be on my Mount Rushmore of games. Well, these games would:
Pong
This game really was my first system. Just two knobs. My brother wasn't born yet, or he was just drooling at that point. No neighbors. I just played with myself all the time. Yikes. You know what I mean.
Pitfall (Atari 2600)
You could go underground and there were alligators. That's really all I needed to love this game. Not sure if you could "beat" the game, per say. But I loved it. So much so, this is incorporated into my video game tattoo. Yes, I have a video game tattoo. I'm that guy.
Bowling (Atari 2600)
This game was just pure fun, and I could play for hours.
Warlords (Atari 2600)
Yes! This game allowed four people to play against each other, at home. This was quite unheard of. Players also used the turny-knob controllers, which I really only used for this and the one nighttime racing game.
Mario Brothers, Super Mario Brothers, SMB 2, SMB 3 (NES)
My obsession with Mario started early. I couldn't get enough of these games, and all of them felt so unique. I must say, Super Mario Brothers 3 is my favorite, but 2 has quite a bit of charm as well. Mario is part of the tat.
The Legend of Zelda Games (except II) -- Several Systems
I really hated Zelda II, but every other Zelda game has been awesome. I haven't finished Skyward Sword and I never finished Windwaker. But I just got the HD update for the WiiU of Windwaker, so that might be next on my list to finish--if I ever conquer Bioshock. Ocarina of Time and A Link to the Past are tied for my favorites. Both great games! Link is part of the tat.
Contra (NES)
Sure I used up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A--who didn't? But eventually, I got good enough where I could beat this game with less than three lives. Shooting the aliens heart repeatedly at the end was extremely rewarding. The music was catchy, and the guns (except for that damned spinny, spirally gun) were awesome!
Tekken 2 (PlayStation)
I never loved fighting games, but this one was great. When I lived with a few friends, we'd have people over and just play this forever. Except Eddy Gordo. Screw that guy.
Sonic the Hedgehog (Genesis)
I hung out with a few friends in Girard and played this from the time we got home from school until I had to go home to sleep. Still fun to play! Seriously. It has aged well.
Conker's Bad Fur Day (N64)
This squirrel swore, he bounced around on a flowers boobs and the money would talk to you and taunt you in a New York accent. I couldn't believe the raunchiness of this game--which is nothing compared to more recent games. But I loved it, and I'd play it again right now. I'm sure it still is fun and hysterical.
GoldenEye (N64)
Everybody loves this game. Everyone. I had a N64 which I'd take everywhere to play against friends. I called it the box full of fun. And it was, every time.
No Mercy/WrestleMania 2000 (N64)
This is when wrestling games were simply pure, unadulterated fun. Now it's complex to line up ladders with belts, and tables, and buttons and timing. These games were the best, and I'd play, alone and with friends, for hours. In fact, No Mercy would go in my Top 5, no question.
Resident Evil (PlayStation)
A game which was scary? Legitimately scary. They're about to release an updated version tomorrow (I think) for the new consoles, and I'll probably pick it up. The controls seem clunky now, but back when it was released, I'd never seen anything like it. So engaging!
WrestleFest (Arcade Game)
I told my Dad when we were at Truck World, when I was like 14, "Someday, I'll buy this when I'm a man, so I can play it at home!" My dad said, "Son, you won't want that when you're grown up. You'll want adult things." Yeah, I own it. It's in my basement right now.
Grand Theft Auto 4 & 5 (Xbox360)
I know San Andreas and GTA3 were groundbreaking, but these games was so unbelievable. The storylines were always shifting and changing, and you could do WHATEVER you want in them. I gave up over 60 hours on each one, and it was the best 120 hours you can spend on a game.
The Last of Us (PS3)
This might be the greatest game I've ever played. I'm not 100% sure. But it's close. Every second is on-the-edge-of-your-seat action, and the ending is the most soul-destroying ending I've ever seen for a game. It starts out with insanity, and it never quits for over 20 hours. There are several cut scenes which I will never forget for the rest of my life,
NBA2K14 (PS4)
The only game I've ever spent over 100 hours playing (Zelda: Twilight Princess clocked in at just under 90). I took my player, Smoove Wilcox to a title with the New Orleans Pelicans. Sometimes, when I see the Pelicans on TV, I still think they actually won a title. It was just really, really fun.
Socom 2 (PlayStation 2)
This was the first game I ever played online against people. Jeremy and I would play the Abandoned board over and over and over. We were such campers, but we were good. I eventually created a gamer name alternative so offensive, that all the players on my own team would just kill me as soon as I spawned. Calling me terrible names. Boy, that was a good time.
Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 2 (XBox360)
I've never played so much online war. It never got old, and it was the first game to incorporate all the weapon upgrades that ACTUALLY made a difference.
Tiger Woods Golf 2004 (Gamecube)
All I have to say, this game was so fun, I started golfing in real life just because I liked the video game. That's right, my third favorite hobby, behind music and gaming--started because of this game. It's cost me thousands of dollars and handfuls of broken clubs since then. I don't regret a thing.
Animal Crossing (Gamecube)
This game never really WENT anywhere, but I got a statue of myself eventually and I made shirts making fun of my friend Julian, which ended up in games in Chicago because TubRing stayed at our house after we played with them at the Binghi. That's a memory for a lifetime.
Metal Gear Solid 2 (PlayStation 2)
I hid under a box for 25 hours and choked dudes out. Then I threw them in lockers. Yes, that WAS amazingly entertaining!
Batman Arkham Asylum (PS3)
Just a badassed game. It makes you FEEL like you're really Batman. How can that NOT be awesome. The newer games in the series are just as good--but this was my first!
All I know is that the PS4 and XboxOne are the most powerful consoles I've ever owned. I can't wait to see what the next decade of gaming has in store!
Friday, January 16, 2015
Voyeurs: We Are Watching Us
01/16/15
I've been hearing about the wonders of the selfie-stick.
It just attaches to your phone, and voila. You've got a boom stand for your smart device. Duck lips from below, above, wherever you like.
The current obsession of our culture to watch each other, even people we don't know, is quite alarming. I like Snapchat, but I know so many people who just post things on there throughout the day, and I wonder--when did we all start thinking, "I need to show everyone who's not here this."
I'm not criticizing. I watch all the Snaps. I check out IG, and FB and TW and LMNOP or whatnot. I love it. I feel like I'm getting to know really awesome people, without ever actually hanging out with them. That's odd. We're morphing into a ravenous culture of shameless voyeurs. We just want to show strangers what we're doing, so that we don't feel weird watching what they're doing. I'm caught up with what's going on in over 1,000 people's lives right now. 1,000! One THOUSAND. That's a lot of people. In college, pre-social media, I think I knew 27 people who weren't related to me.
So is this connection to these people real? Does it count as interpersonal communication? I don't believe it does. It's more Intrapersonal. We are probably doing this for ourselves. We want to be watched and followed and viewed. It plays into our need to be noticed, and our desire to be the center of an event--life is an event, don't you think?
The connection is so instant and yet so generic, at times. We can see our friends, beautiful or not, kind or not. We can watch what they do and be there with them, in visual spirit. How many people take 15 versions of a selfie before sharing it? The angle must be right. The lighting. The smile (or scowl, if necessary). Not generic but still cheeky enough to acknowledge that taking a picture of our own face next to a bowl of salad is slightly disconnected, yet thoroughly connected to all who click the like button.
I just wonder if there's a time in the future when people will be shamed if they're seen taking a picture of themselves in public. Right now, it's no-holds-barred. In fact, sometimes we see people taking one and we think, "That's gonna be a good one." It's an art form. But is the art of communication being lost in the process?
I've been hearing about the wonders of the selfie-stick.
It just attaches to your phone, and voila. You've got a boom stand for your smart device. Duck lips from below, above, wherever you like.
The current obsession of our culture to watch each other, even people we don't know, is quite alarming. I like Snapchat, but I know so many people who just post things on there throughout the day, and I wonder--when did we all start thinking, "I need to show everyone who's not here this."
I'm not criticizing. I watch all the Snaps. I check out IG, and FB and TW and LMNOP or whatnot. I love it. I feel like I'm getting to know really awesome people, without ever actually hanging out with them. That's odd. We're morphing into a ravenous culture of shameless voyeurs. We just want to show strangers what we're doing, so that we don't feel weird watching what they're doing. I'm caught up with what's going on in over 1,000 people's lives right now. 1,000! One THOUSAND. That's a lot of people. In college, pre-social media, I think I knew 27 people who weren't related to me.
So is this connection to these people real? Does it count as interpersonal communication? I don't believe it does. It's more Intrapersonal. We are probably doing this for ourselves. We want to be watched and followed and viewed. It plays into our need to be noticed, and our desire to be the center of an event--life is an event, don't you think?
The connection is so instant and yet so generic, at times. We can see our friends, beautiful or not, kind or not. We can watch what they do and be there with them, in visual spirit. How many people take 15 versions of a selfie before sharing it? The angle must be right. The lighting. The smile (or scowl, if necessary). Not generic but still cheeky enough to acknowledge that taking a picture of our own face next to a bowl of salad is slightly disconnected, yet thoroughly connected to all who click the like button.
I just wonder if there's a time in the future when people will be shamed if they're seen taking a picture of themselves in public. Right now, it's no-holds-barred. In fact, sometimes we see people taking one and we think, "That's gonna be a good one." It's an art form. But is the art of communication being lost in the process?
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Odd and Uncomfortable: The Price of Being Weird
01/15/15
I've been asked quite often, "What's the most difficult thing about being a teacher?"
Is it the grading? The misbehavior of your students? The waking up early? I mean, we have summers off. So that's cool. But surely something must be the worst aspect of the job.
Without question, there is one challenge that provides me the most frustration. It's getting kids to be comfortable with who they already are. Just the other day, a student asked if I'd had other students like him--he didn't want to be the only "weird one"--and I explained to him that he IS one of the weird ones. That's why I'm glad to teach him. That's what makes him so spectacular. He's creative and weird and people look at him like he's odd. That's the best kind of kid.
My job is to get WSCN students to create. To have a vision, film it, edit it--then release it for others to critique and enjoy or despise. It's a big leap of faith. When you make something, and share it with everyone else, you have to let go of your fears. Not everyone is going to like what you create. In fact, most probably won't. As my song per week project in 2013 showed me, you can labor over something and kill it with love and passion, and the world takes no notice. Some of the songs were well-received. Some were not. They weren't all good. Some were only listened to seventeen times by random people, and have returned to my computer to never be heard again.
But I remember being that kid at Girard High School in the early '90s. I was in a band with my best friend, Johnny. He was one of the few people who got me. Girls were confusing as shit. I just knew that I could say and do weird shit and Johnny responded by laughing his ass off and doing weird shit back. And I'd laugh at that. My childhood friend Ric had that with me, as we grew up together and looked awkward. My younger brother Donnie is a weird guy, too. My wife is eccentric and creative and silly. I think these are the people I surround myself with because it makes life an adventure. I know, if I fell in front of a train tomorrow, I'd have nil regrets regarding the people I'm with.
I think that's what I want to do at school. I want to make these kids be unafraid. I want them to invite judgment. I want them to bask in their victories and light their failures aflame as they try again. I try to show them editing techniques, and Photoshop basics, and failed videos (I'm looking at you, Journey's "Separate Ways" and Lionel Richie's "Hello").
But what I really want them to do is to understand that they can wake up each day and throw original work out to the Earth, and let it fall where it falls. You have to be naked. Not literally. Usually. But you need to open up your everything and be prepared for the casting of stones.
The proper, the popular--they don't shape the world. They hold a lot of the riches, but they don't make the impact. It's the odd kid in the corner and the weird girl in the back who often find a voice which is seldom heard. Those are the kids I want. I want those kids in my class. I want those kids to be adults in our world. The adults we remember.
I've been asked quite often, "What's the most difficult thing about being a teacher?"
Is it the grading? The misbehavior of your students? The waking up early? I mean, we have summers off. So that's cool. But surely something must be the worst aspect of the job.
Without question, there is one challenge that provides me the most frustration. It's getting kids to be comfortable with who they already are. Just the other day, a student asked if I'd had other students like him--he didn't want to be the only "weird one"--and I explained to him that he IS one of the weird ones. That's why I'm glad to teach him. That's what makes him so spectacular. He's creative and weird and people look at him like he's odd. That's the best kind of kid.
My job is to get WSCN students to create. To have a vision, film it, edit it--then release it for others to critique and enjoy or despise. It's a big leap of faith. When you make something, and share it with everyone else, you have to let go of your fears. Not everyone is going to like what you create. In fact, most probably won't. As my song per week project in 2013 showed me, you can labor over something and kill it with love and passion, and the world takes no notice. Some of the songs were well-received. Some were not. They weren't all good. Some were only listened to seventeen times by random people, and have returned to my computer to never be heard again.
But I remember being that kid at Girard High School in the early '90s. I was in a band with my best friend, Johnny. He was one of the few people who got me. Girls were confusing as shit. I just knew that I could say and do weird shit and Johnny responded by laughing his ass off and doing weird shit back. And I'd laugh at that. My childhood friend Ric had that with me, as we grew up together and looked awkward. My younger brother Donnie is a weird guy, too. My wife is eccentric and creative and silly. I think these are the people I surround myself with because it makes life an adventure. I know, if I fell in front of a train tomorrow, I'd have nil regrets regarding the people I'm with.
I think that's what I want to do at school. I want to make these kids be unafraid. I want them to invite judgment. I want them to bask in their victories and light their failures aflame as they try again. I try to show them editing techniques, and Photoshop basics, and failed videos (I'm looking at you, Journey's "Separate Ways" and Lionel Richie's "Hello").
But what I really want them to do is to understand that they can wake up each day and throw original work out to the Earth, and let it fall where it falls. You have to be naked. Not literally. Usually. But you need to open up your everything and be prepared for the casting of stones.
The proper, the popular--they don't shape the world. They hold a lot of the riches, but they don't make the impact. It's the odd kid in the corner and the weird girl in the back who often find a voice which is seldom heard. Those are the kids I want. I want those kids in my class. I want those kids to be adults in our world. The adults we remember.
Friday, January 2, 2015
2014 In Review
Things from 2014 that will stick with me:
1. The power of positivity - In 2013, I was consumed by the loss of the love in my job. Too many initiatives coming from too many places. So, I began to question my career. What was next? How could I ever accomplish everything that was coming down the road? It seemed impossible. Then, I figured out that it WAS impossible. If I worried about all of the changes and rules and laws and bylaws and standards and tests--I would NEVER get out from under it. So, in 2014 (starting with the new school year in September), I QUIT WORRYING. I don't worry about the meetings and the standards and yadayadayada. Don't get me wrong, when I get observed, I have all my ducks in a row. When it comes time to turn in numbers for the state, I'm ready. I'm still DOING my job. But I'm not worrying about the extra stuff. I'm just enjoying teaching my students. That's what I'm there for. If they ever decide to remove me because I'm not doing this and that, and it's out of my control, I guess I'll leave. But they'll never remove me for not being there for the growth of my kids. That's what it's all about. The suits can decide otherwise.
2. My growth as a golfer, through failure - I was really excited to coach the girls' golf team this past year. Then, on July 5th, I had a terrible meltdown on the course--the first in four or five years, I'd say. I walked off and decided (a) I needed to learn how to golf and (b) I wasn't ready to teach others how to do so. I didn't play until I finished three weeks of lessons near the end of July. Boom. Instant improvement. Yes, I've got a lot more to learn. But instead of shooting 98-102 for 18, I'm usually 90-96 now. That's a big step. I feel badly that I failed the girls who had signed up, but I would've done them a disservice if I tried to guide them to conquering something I hadn't yet conquered. Over the past four or five months, I've conquered it.
3. My legacy is growing more important to me, but I still don't know why - I fear that life is halfway over and I've only accomplished 15% of what I want to do, I'd say. I'm extremely happy being alive and doing what I do, but I still want to do more. So I've gotta pick up the pace.
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I only gave myself three goals for 2014. They were:
1. Write (literature and/or music--but MOSTLY, literature)
2. Publish (literature and/or music--but MOSTLY music)
3. Get better at playing piano and guitar
I did put out my first solo album and finished recording KKC's new disc, after years of delays. I really think we'll have a CD release show in February and will have the CD done and ready for sale by then. I'm working on a project with one of my solo songs, and I'm really excited about that. I still want to fill the world with music. Gotta keep pushing. Sometimes, comfort and happiness can actually lead to laying back, and I need to stop doing this. I feel like I did pretty well with goal #1 and goal #2. Disappointed I didn't write more fiction, because I have a ton of ideas. It's time for a new White Cadillac disc, too.
I didn't get better at playing piano or guitar because I didn't attempt to do that. I wanted to, but just never did it. So, yet again, that will have to be saved for another time. Maybe never?
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My goals for 2015:
1. Help Erin get Shattered Time to a new level - My wife is making some really cool jewelry and stuff, and it's up to ME to help her get it online and represented in a better selling platform. I haven't because I'm too busy with music, games, house cleaning, etc. I'm being selfish, I think. I need to focus on helping her get this going because she loves it and she's worked so hard at it. Can't drop the ball on this one.
2. Play More Shows - When KKC was booming from 98-02 or so, I would schedule at LEAST three shows a month. All over the place. I quit doing the booking stuff, and we've been kinda coasting since then. I don't WANT to play 36 KKC shows this year. But I think 10-12 isn't out of the question. Do some WC shows. Maybe even do a show for my solo stuff. That would be A LOT of fun, too. I dunno. I just need to give more weekends to music. I don't play covers, so I won't make too much money. But that's not what it's about, is it? At least, not for me.
3. Be available - Especially for family. I don't get to spend much time with my dad and mom because life does life stuff. But I don't want to regret missing chances to see the people I love, because none of us are here forever. That lesson is hitting home, especially over the past few weeks. I need to take advantage of my time with them, so I have memories once the actual people have faded away.
4. Finish my basement - Ugh, I want to make my basement functional and nice. Right now, it looks like the opening scene from Terminator 2 where the robots are shooting lasers and stepping on the skulls. It's that bad.
5. Don't bitch about stuff - Sticking with this positivity thing, I don't want to bitch about stuff. Like, doing dishes. I own a sink and plates and food. But I bitch about doing dishes. That's just ignorant. A lot of people don't have dishes, food, a sink or water. So, quit bitching, Fred. You pansy.
6. Using a scheduler/calendar - I suck at keeping dates straight, so I miss out on things. That's pretty lame.
7. Get back in shape - Yeah, I've been eating a lot of bread. With beers. Beers, too.
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My Favorite Albums of 2014:
Honorable Mentions:
Crowbar - Symmetry in Black, Weird Al Yankovic - Mandatory Fun, Weezer - Everything Will be Alright in the End, Magnum - Escape from the Shadow Garden, Goatwhore - Constricting Rage of the Merciless
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10. Silver Snakes - Year of the Snake
Sometimes this album sounds like Silverchair. Other times, it's far too rockin' and dirrrty for that. But I really enjoy it.
9. Black Label Society - Catacombs of the Black Vatican
Zakk Wylde proved that he's not bored (nor is he boring) with this album. I thought he's been a bit too predictable and comfortable. But something forced him to dig deeper to make a CATCHY album. Several of the choruses on this effort will stick with a listener for several hours after they've heard it.
8. Opeth - Pale Communion
I was really disappointed with much of Harvest--not because they're too mainstream. Just because it was too dull and drab. The music on this new album really engaged me, and I'm interested in Opeth all over again.
7. Machine Head - Bloodstone and Diamonds
This is raging, yet melodic--which is exactly what Machine Head does best. I hope these guys NEVER hang it up. They're just too damned good.
6. At the Gates - At War with Reality
I'm not sure exactly how long it's been, but I think it's been around 20 years since these guys did a disc. Oh my God. This is as good as thrash can get. If they could've just put out an album once every four years, instead of one every two decades, this band could be one of the greatest metal bands in history.
5. Freddie Gibbs and Madlib - Pinata
It's been about a decade since I last got REALLY into a good rap album. This collaboration is it. Too raw for a nerdy white guy like me to handle. Gotttdamn. It's SOOO good. Go listen to it right now. Especially "Shitsville"--that's a jam.
4. Mastodon - Once More 'Round the Sun
I saw these guys live this year, for like, the fourth time. They were SO damned boring. They didn't even want to be there, I think. Maybe it's because they were too busy getting ready to drop this album. It's excellent. Not one weak track. I might even rank it higher if they hadn't bored me to tears at the House of Blues in Cleveland.
3. Pallbearer - Foundations of Burden
So dark and melodic and slow and tasty and heavy and juicy and oh muh god
2. Beck - Morning Phase
A nice "sequel" to his album from 2002, Sea Change. I had high expectations for this disc and he didn't disappoint. I don't really like quirky, silly Beck very much. But I'm way into depressed, acoustic Beck. This album is top notch. You should give it a legitimate listen.
1. Nothing - Guilty of Everything
Something about this album just won't leave me alone. From the opening dirges of "Hymn to the Pillory" to the last chord on the disc, it just stays with me for days and days. It's got a trancey, almost-shoegaze kind of feel, yet it harkens back to Smashing Pumpkins when they were fresh and meaningful. I really dig this disc more than any other.
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My Favorite Songs of 2014
(In no particular order, really)
1. What Did I Do?/God as My Witness - Foo Fighters
2. Beneath the Silt - Machine Head
3. Natural Born Killers - Live
4. At War with Reality - At the Gates
5. AOV - Slipknot
6. Eulogy for a Rock Band - Weezer
7. Clouds - Prince
8. World on Fire - Slash
9. Kill or Become - Cannibal Corpse
10.Cusp of Eternity - Opeth
11. Say Goodbye - Beck
12. Blackbird Chain - Beck
13. Shitsville - Freddie Gibbs and Madlib
14. She Used to Love Me a Lot - Johnny Cash
15. Crying in the Rain - Magnum
16. Red - Silver Snakes
17. Same Side - The Casket Girls
18. Take It Off - Sleeper Agent
19. Heaven's Wall - Bruce Springsteen
20. My Dying Time - Black Label Society
21. Shades of Gray - Black Label Society
22. Pop Bubble - Body Count
23. The Taste of Dying - Crowbar
24. Animal Heart - Nina Persson
25. We Knew Him Well - Down
26. Qwerty - Mushroomhead
27. Dig - Nothing
28. Baring Teeth for Revolt - Goatwhore
29. Would You Fight for My Love? - Jack White
30. Beginning of the End - Judas Priest
31. Just Like a Dream - Lykke Li
32. Take Me to Church - Hozier
33. High Road - Mastodon
34. Ember City - Mastodon
1. The power of positivity - In 2013, I was consumed by the loss of the love in my job. Too many initiatives coming from too many places. So, I began to question my career. What was next? How could I ever accomplish everything that was coming down the road? It seemed impossible. Then, I figured out that it WAS impossible. If I worried about all of the changes and rules and laws and bylaws and standards and tests--I would NEVER get out from under it. So, in 2014 (starting with the new school year in September), I QUIT WORRYING. I don't worry about the meetings and the standards and yadayadayada. Don't get me wrong, when I get observed, I have all my ducks in a row. When it comes time to turn in numbers for the state, I'm ready. I'm still DOING my job. But I'm not worrying about the extra stuff. I'm just enjoying teaching my students. That's what I'm there for. If they ever decide to remove me because I'm not doing this and that, and it's out of my control, I guess I'll leave. But they'll never remove me for not being there for the growth of my kids. That's what it's all about. The suits can decide otherwise.
2. My growth as a golfer, through failure - I was really excited to coach the girls' golf team this past year. Then, on July 5th, I had a terrible meltdown on the course--the first in four or five years, I'd say. I walked off and decided (a) I needed to learn how to golf and (b) I wasn't ready to teach others how to do so. I didn't play until I finished three weeks of lessons near the end of July. Boom. Instant improvement. Yes, I've got a lot more to learn. But instead of shooting 98-102 for 18, I'm usually 90-96 now. That's a big step. I feel badly that I failed the girls who had signed up, but I would've done them a disservice if I tried to guide them to conquering something I hadn't yet conquered. Over the past four or five months, I've conquered it.
3. My legacy is growing more important to me, but I still don't know why - I fear that life is halfway over and I've only accomplished 15% of what I want to do, I'd say. I'm extremely happy being alive and doing what I do, but I still want to do more. So I've gotta pick up the pace.
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I only gave myself three goals for 2014. They were:
1. Write (literature and/or music--but MOSTLY, literature)
2. Publish (literature and/or music--but MOSTLY music)
3. Get better at playing piano and guitar
I did put out my first solo album and finished recording KKC's new disc, after years of delays. I really think we'll have a CD release show in February and will have the CD done and ready for sale by then. I'm working on a project with one of my solo songs, and I'm really excited about that. I still want to fill the world with music. Gotta keep pushing. Sometimes, comfort and happiness can actually lead to laying back, and I need to stop doing this. I feel like I did pretty well with goal #1 and goal #2. Disappointed I didn't write more fiction, because I have a ton of ideas. It's time for a new White Cadillac disc, too.
I didn't get better at playing piano or guitar because I didn't attempt to do that. I wanted to, but just never did it. So, yet again, that will have to be saved for another time. Maybe never?
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My goals for 2015:
1. Help Erin get Shattered Time to a new level - My wife is making some really cool jewelry and stuff, and it's up to ME to help her get it online and represented in a better selling platform. I haven't because I'm too busy with music, games, house cleaning, etc. I'm being selfish, I think. I need to focus on helping her get this going because she loves it and she's worked so hard at it. Can't drop the ball on this one.
2. Play More Shows - When KKC was booming from 98-02 or so, I would schedule at LEAST three shows a month. All over the place. I quit doing the booking stuff, and we've been kinda coasting since then. I don't WANT to play 36 KKC shows this year. But I think 10-12 isn't out of the question. Do some WC shows. Maybe even do a show for my solo stuff. That would be A LOT of fun, too. I dunno. I just need to give more weekends to music. I don't play covers, so I won't make too much money. But that's not what it's about, is it? At least, not for me.
3. Be available - Especially for family. I don't get to spend much time with my dad and mom because life does life stuff. But I don't want to regret missing chances to see the people I love, because none of us are here forever. That lesson is hitting home, especially over the past few weeks. I need to take advantage of my time with them, so I have memories once the actual people have faded away.
4. Finish my basement - Ugh, I want to make my basement functional and nice. Right now, it looks like the opening scene from Terminator 2 where the robots are shooting lasers and stepping on the skulls. It's that bad.
5. Don't bitch about stuff - Sticking with this positivity thing, I don't want to bitch about stuff. Like, doing dishes. I own a sink and plates and food. But I bitch about doing dishes. That's just ignorant. A lot of people don't have dishes, food, a sink or water. So, quit bitching, Fred. You pansy.
6. Using a scheduler/calendar - I suck at keeping dates straight, so I miss out on things. That's pretty lame.
7. Get back in shape - Yeah, I've been eating a lot of bread. With beers. Beers, too.
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My Favorite Albums of 2014:
Honorable Mentions:
Crowbar - Symmetry in Black, Weird Al Yankovic - Mandatory Fun, Weezer - Everything Will be Alright in the End, Magnum - Escape from the Shadow Garden, Goatwhore - Constricting Rage of the Merciless
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10. Silver Snakes - Year of the Snake
Sometimes this album sounds like Silverchair. Other times, it's far too rockin' and dirrrty for that. But I really enjoy it.
9. Black Label Society - Catacombs of the Black Vatican
Zakk Wylde proved that he's not bored (nor is he boring) with this album. I thought he's been a bit too predictable and comfortable. But something forced him to dig deeper to make a CATCHY album. Several of the choruses on this effort will stick with a listener for several hours after they've heard it.
8. Opeth - Pale Communion
I was really disappointed with much of Harvest--not because they're too mainstream. Just because it was too dull and drab. The music on this new album really engaged me, and I'm interested in Opeth all over again.
7. Machine Head - Bloodstone and Diamonds
This is raging, yet melodic--which is exactly what Machine Head does best. I hope these guys NEVER hang it up. They're just too damned good.
6. At the Gates - At War with Reality
I'm not sure exactly how long it's been, but I think it's been around 20 years since these guys did a disc. Oh my God. This is as good as thrash can get. If they could've just put out an album once every four years, instead of one every two decades, this band could be one of the greatest metal bands in history.
5. Freddie Gibbs and Madlib - Pinata
It's been about a decade since I last got REALLY into a good rap album. This collaboration is it. Too raw for a nerdy white guy like me to handle. Gotttdamn. It's SOOO good. Go listen to it right now. Especially "Shitsville"--that's a jam.
4. Mastodon - Once More 'Round the Sun
I saw these guys live this year, for like, the fourth time. They were SO damned boring. They didn't even want to be there, I think. Maybe it's because they were too busy getting ready to drop this album. It's excellent. Not one weak track. I might even rank it higher if they hadn't bored me to tears at the House of Blues in Cleveland.
3. Pallbearer - Foundations of Burden
So dark and melodic and slow and tasty and heavy and juicy and oh muh god
2. Beck - Morning Phase
A nice "sequel" to his album from 2002, Sea Change. I had high expectations for this disc and he didn't disappoint. I don't really like quirky, silly Beck very much. But I'm way into depressed, acoustic Beck. This album is top notch. You should give it a legitimate listen.
1. Nothing - Guilty of Everything
Something about this album just won't leave me alone. From the opening dirges of "Hymn to the Pillory" to the last chord on the disc, it just stays with me for days and days. It's got a trancey, almost-shoegaze kind of feel, yet it harkens back to Smashing Pumpkins when they were fresh and meaningful. I really dig this disc more than any other.
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My Favorite Songs of 2014
(In no particular order, really)
1. What Did I Do?/God as My Witness - Foo Fighters
2. Beneath the Silt - Machine Head
3. Natural Born Killers - Live
4. At War with Reality - At the Gates
5. AOV - Slipknot
6. Eulogy for a Rock Band - Weezer
7. Clouds - Prince
8. World on Fire - Slash
9. Kill or Become - Cannibal Corpse
10.Cusp of Eternity - Opeth
11. Say Goodbye - Beck
12. Blackbird Chain - Beck
13. Shitsville - Freddie Gibbs and Madlib
14. She Used to Love Me a Lot - Johnny Cash
15. Crying in the Rain - Magnum
16. Red - Silver Snakes
17. Same Side - The Casket Girls
18. Take It Off - Sleeper Agent
19. Heaven's Wall - Bruce Springsteen
20. My Dying Time - Black Label Society
21. Shades of Gray - Black Label Society
22. Pop Bubble - Body Count
23. The Taste of Dying - Crowbar
24. Animal Heart - Nina Persson
25. We Knew Him Well - Down
26. Qwerty - Mushroomhead
27. Dig - Nothing
28. Baring Teeth for Revolt - Goatwhore
29. Would You Fight for My Love? - Jack White
30. Beginning of the End - Judas Priest
31. Just Like a Dream - Lykke Li
32. Take Me to Church - Hozier
33. High Road - Mastodon
34. Ember City - Mastodon
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