The 7 Best Wrestling Promos EVER!

06/19/12
I decided to start my morning of "what the hell am I doing up???well I might as well get stuff done" with laundry.  And, while I wait for laundry--a blog about wrestling promos.

I've been watching wrestling since I was, well, a fetus, perhaps.  I've been slacking over the past few months, though.  I decided to tune in for a very mediocre episode of RAW last night.   Man, these guys/gals SUCK at promos.  They're the most important thing in generating that crowd reaction you want.  They should watch THESE people do it.  These are my favorite promos ever.

#7 Booker T Throws Out a Racial Slur at Hulk Hogan
I know he did it accidentally, but this is just awesome.  I love the reaction of other people in the shot, too.  Sensational Sherri (who shows up in another promo later in the countdown) actually seems kinda proud of the faux pas--which is interesting in itself...

#6 The Ultimate Warrior
I really can't pick just one.  All of them were so over the top, and none of them really made any logical sense.  This is a nice collage.  Watch it, it'll probably make your day.  My favorite part is around :27, where he talks about the "freak of nature beginning to swell" and then ends that with some jibba jabba which makes no sense, in any form, when you listen to the ENGLISH contained within.

#5 Ric Flair
Just like the Warrior above, I love so many of his promos.  But, his are awesome because of how good he really is at it.  He works the crowd until they're into a frenzy.  He throws catch phrases out left and right, without really thinking about it.  Honestly, current wrestlers should watch this to see how it's done.  This is one of my favorites, from the late 80s.  Love his comments about the ladies/fans throughout.

#4 Roddy Piper - "The Hot Scot" (Wrestlemania VI)
I can't actually find this one on YouTube.  At WM6, Hot Rod painted himself right down the middle--trying to convey a split personality.  This kinda borders on racism, especially for the made for TV ones, where he was pretty much doing black face.  At WM6 though, he focused on the balance between being the Hot Rod and the Hot Scot.  Brilliant stuff.  Intimidating.  Creative.  Funny. 

#3 Macho Man/Zeus/Sherri Cage Promo
Macho is my favorite wrestler of all time.  However, for a while, he was acting like a crack addict.  I'll admit it.  For some reason, it was mostly around Sherri--who may have ACTUALLY been a crack addict.  Add a grunting and yelling Zeus, and the climbing all over the cage.  Man, this one is way over the top!

#2 Dusty Rhodes - "Kings and Queens" Promo for Billy Graham
Dusty WAS wrestling promos.  The only reason he was popular is because he made people love him.  He became known as the common man because people identified with him--and the things that he said.  The "wined and dined with kings and queens" promo for Graham is, undoubtedly, my favorite Dusty moment.  This guy could have the audience eating out of the palm of his hand within two seconds.  Every time.

#1 Jake the Snake Roberts - "Wallowing in the Muck of Avarice"

I just realized WM6 had some awesome promos.  This one is poetic.  Cold.  Intimidating.  Stunning.  Beautiful.  Heartfelt.  And was probably done while Jake was getting over a few lines of coke right before the show.  Either way, I still remember hearing this as a kid and getting chills.  It was so perfect.  If there's a promo EVER done better than this one--that will be my new favorite grappler.  Until then, we just have to watch Monday Night Amateur Hour...



The Smelko Effect

06/18/12
This past Sunday was, of course, Father's Day.  Hung out with my dad and my family, went to a grad party, etc.  Something rather intriguing went on within me, however--quite by accident.  I went to my cousin Breanna's THIRD birthday party.  They were swimming and being children.  Good times.  However, she lives in Hubbard off of South Main St.  This is significant because much of my early childhood was spent growing up at 117 South Main St.  I drove by my childhood home.  Well, where my childhood home USED to be.  Right after my parents sold it in 1985, and we moved to Waugh Dr. in Hubbard--a company bought our old house on South Main and turned it into a parking lot.  So, my childhood home is gone.  So is the home to the left of our house there--which was once occupied by a woman who had THOUSANDS of those plaster figurines.  Nice enough, she was.  However, the figurines gave her a level of creepdom.

Anyhow, I came to grips with my childhood home being gone long ago.  Like I said, they knocked it down in early 1986.   I told my mom to drive by so I could see the hole where the house was.  There is was.  Eh.  I have memories, and I could still describe that house--every inch of it--today.  I wasn't BORN living there.  I lived in a trailer park on Belmont Ave. for the first four months of my life--then it was to South Main. 

Point is, there was an old man who lived to the RIGHT of us on South Main named Bert Smelko.  I don't recall exactly how old he was.  He seemed DAMNED old when I was 7.  I'd say he was in his 70s.  He had a wife there for a few years.  She died.  I remember the delicious pies disappeared that she made, and he was sad.  But, he spent more time on the porch, and that was okay with me.  That's where I wanted him to be.  When I was bored (especially before Donnie was born), I'd hike over to his porch and sit and talk with him.  He talked to me like I was more grown up.  I mean, he wasn't dropping F-bombs.  But, you know, he'd have intellectual conversations with me, even though I was like, five.  Once we moved to Waugh (I had a neighbor THERE named Ernie, so I had Bert and Ernie as neighbors.  Thought that was goddamned hilarious back then), I lost track of Bert.  A handful of years later--like in the early 90s--he died.  I didn't go to his funeral.  I really wanted to remember him as the guy on the porch. 

That was shattered as I drove to Bree's party on Sunday.  His house was never ABANDONED, that I can remember, since his death.  Now, it is.  The swing on the porch is gone.  Trees are overgrown, swallowing the rickety home.  I'm sure his garden is overgrown and long forgotten.  So is he, I'm sure.  He was a quiet dude.  But that house had pictures of all of his family.  His child.  His dead wife.  Now, no one cares about it really.  Except for me, I suppose.

My high school is gone now--knocked down.  I couldn't care less, really.  I thought high school was utterly stupid, which is why I try to make it NOT that for the students I have now.  But that porch was really the last visible bastion of my early years.  Sitting there next to him, I would think about being an actor, or becoming a major league baseball umpire, or playing a new Atari game that I wanted--and he would just listen to me ramble, and he'd ramble back.  He made me feel like I could control ANYTHING when I got older. 

Seeing the brush swallowing up the area where I once felt like I could control it all.  And now, for some reason, it brought a sense of a loss of that control.  I wouldn't mind talking to that old man one last time.

Love of Hitch, Summer list

06/16/12
Thus far, this has been a refreshing summer.  I've been golfing a lot, and hanging out with my friends.  Musically, slow--but I'm not too bummed about that at the moment.  I need to refresh myself a bit, and sometimes, that means just enjoying your free time and being alive.  My wife has been working her ass off and--while some husbands would be like "Yay!"--I'm not.  I sincerely appreciate her company.  In fact, you know I can't go a whole blog without mentioning golf--I saw her get her first birdie ever today on the 4th hole at Old Avalon--a par 4.  She drove it to 80 yards left, hit it within two feet, and putted it in.  Damned happy for her. 

In my boredom, and three Kentucky Bourbon Barrels in, I decided to take a break from the nonstop viewing of the US Open (go Tiger) to watch Alfred Hitchcock's I Confess.  I had a Hitchcock class in my Masters studies several years ago (fun fact: with my future White Cadillac band mate, BJ Lisko).  I've been pretty in love with Hitch ever since.  I love his film style and the subliminal nature he utilizes to deliver non-subliminal truths.  There are NO directors like him now.  Nothing is visual or subtle.  I still harbor aspirations of writing a script and filming a full length feature--albeit on a low budget, I'm sure.  Though I don't love movies, I love the process of MAKING them.  I totally sound like the clueless wife of the owner of Noah's Arcade in Wayne's World right now.  But, I've always wanted to attempt this.  Someday, I will.  It might be awful.  But I think, visually, I could put a rather impressive piece together. 

I digress.  Watching I Confess really inspired me to watch more Hitch this summer.  I have over 50 of his films--a handful, I've still never watched.  Plus Seasons 1 and 2 of his TV show.  So, I'm going to watch more Hitch this summer.  And putting THAT on the list made me want to make a list of goddamned lists.  Okay.  No it didn't.  But I DID decide to make a list of things I want to accomplish before the WG comes calling again.  So, here it is:

My "Do This Shit for Summer 2012" List:1. Clean the garage and the basement.  Seriously.  It's pretty out of line.  This is mundane.  But I've gotta do it.
2. Get Erin's "stuff" over to the house.  She still has several things stored at her parents' place (as I call it, the "storage facility").  I gotta get that here.
3. Make sure Whit Acres is turning out some delicious produce.
4. Figure out my irons (or sell the damned things) and shoot below 40 for nine holes.  I shot a 46 today, and it wasn't pretty.  With three less mistakes, I'm at a 39.
5. Get the 49ers room taken care of.  Also, get a Mario Manningham signature for the room.  This just needs to happen. 
6.  Use the BeeHive to record the new KKC disc.  Also, more solo stuff.  Also, someone who isn't me.  Also, a duet with someone.  This all needs to happen.
7.  Play a few video games, and finish them.  I suck so much at completing games right now.
8. Write. 
9. Do things for my Dad.  Like, my pops cuts my grass and takes really good care of his sons.  My brother and I have both been treated really well by Fred Sr.  He's older now, and I need to help a bit more. 
10. Destroy the last 25% of my temper.  It showed up today.  I need to just be chill all of the time.  There's nothing in my life, seriously, worth being angry about.  I need to finish the Thich Nhat Hanh book and just remember that shit.  It's really not that hard, and life would be even better--which is hard to fathom.
11. My "musical" business venture--which I haven't talked much about--is almost underway. It's going to require more connections, more networking, more getting out of my house.  But, I'm 34.  So, that's not TOTALLY old yet.
12. Sharpen up my skillz on guitarz and pianoz.  I can play both of these at a minimal level.  However, if I learn how to play both of these better, all of the musical concepts that come into my head, can be released.  I've seriously been singing like, 10 different things--over and over again--for two years.  In my head, they're already existing songs.  But they've never been played.  I'm like Mr. Holland without the creepy moustache and the crush on curly haired girls that are far too young.

Everybody else is doing it, so why don't we?

06/04/12
I start this blog with some awesome news, though I think I may have posted something about it online a couple of weeks ago.  Erin and I are going to be an aunt and uncle!  My brother Donnie and my (favorite) sister-in-law, Kelsey, are expecting in November.  This is absolutely awesome news.  Like, I think they'll be great parents.  It will make my father and mother a grandpa and grandma, which I know they're going to be psyched about.  When they first told me (using a very clever fake newspaper headline), it didn't register right away.  Kelsey was video recording my reaction, and I'm pretty sure I looked like an even bigger douche than I usually do.  I'm not sure if I've EVER been this excited about anything--I can't wait to have a niece/nephew!

But, there's a little bit of a catch.

You see, my family is obsessed with babies.  My mother's side, in particular.  Like, they all want babies falling off of shelves, hiding under couches.  They pretty much want a world full of babies.  Pooping and peeing.  Gurgling.  Letting their big heads flop around on their rubbery necks.  They love it.

My wife and I plan on having children.  We're both 34.  So, we're not young.  But neither of us sees the reason for a rush.  There are a few reasons for this.  One, we don't know if we're ready to spend that money.  We both like toys.  I really dig drums.  Video games.  Pianos.  Golf clubs.  She likes purses.  Clothes. Kitchen gadgets.  All that--well, most of that--goes away after you have kids.  So, first and foremost, we're still kinda selfish.

Secondly, we don't see kids as something you have to do within a certain amount of time after you get married.  After--let's say--two years.  People start asking.  "So, when you having little ones?  Are there kids in the future?  Did you build an extra room in your house for kids?"

Still not sure WHY two years is the amount of time.  Like, if you don't shoot out an infant after 800 days of marriage--did you miss the ovulation boat? 

Truth be told, I think my wife would be a wonderful mother--and I don't think I'd screw the kid up too badly.  But it's just not time.  If we both turn 43 and it's still not time, then we just don't have any. 

Maybe I'll just sell them on the Puerto Rican black market.  Then, I'm getting the fun of having a baby for a short time, without all the commitment.