Everybody else is doing it, so why don't we?

06/04/12
I start this blog with some awesome news, though I think I may have posted something about it online a couple of weeks ago.  Erin and I are going to be an aunt and uncle!  My brother Donnie and my (favorite) sister-in-law, Kelsey, are expecting in November.  This is absolutely awesome news.  Like, I think they'll be great parents.  It will make my father and mother a grandpa and grandma, which I know they're going to be psyched about.  When they first told me (using a very clever fake newspaper headline), it didn't register right away.  Kelsey was video recording my reaction, and I'm pretty sure I looked like an even bigger douche than I usually do.  I'm not sure if I've EVER been this excited about anything--I can't wait to have a niece/nephew!

But, there's a little bit of a catch.

You see, my family is obsessed with babies.  My mother's side, in particular.  Like, they all want babies falling off of shelves, hiding under couches.  They pretty much want a world full of babies.  Pooping and peeing.  Gurgling.  Letting their big heads flop around on their rubbery necks.  They love it.

My wife and I plan on having children.  We're both 34.  So, we're not young.  But neither of us sees the reason for a rush.  There are a few reasons for this.  One, we don't know if we're ready to spend that money.  We both like toys.  I really dig drums.  Video games.  Pianos.  Golf clubs.  She likes purses.  Clothes. Kitchen gadgets.  All that--well, most of that--goes away after you have kids.  So, first and foremost, we're still kinda selfish.

Secondly, we don't see kids as something you have to do within a certain amount of time after you get married.  After--let's say--two years.  People start asking.  "So, when you having little ones?  Are there kids in the future?  Did you build an extra room in your house for kids?"

Still not sure WHY two years is the amount of time.  Like, if you don't shoot out an infant after 800 days of marriage--did you miss the ovulation boat? 

Truth be told, I think my wife would be a wonderful mother--and I don't think I'd screw the kid up too badly.  But it's just not time.  If we both turn 43 and it's still not time, then we just don't have any. 

Maybe I'll just sell them on the Puerto Rican black market.  Then, I'm getting the fun of having a baby for a short time, without all the commitment.