My 2012 -- Year in review.

Okay, so as everyone is pointing out right now--it's snowing like the bejeesus out there.  Whatever that means.  So I thought this was an excellent opportunity to review my year.

Here were my goals for 2012;  let's see how shitty I am.
Goals for 2012
1. Be able to record a full band, live, in the BeeHive. Bring in an outside project, and turn out a SOLID recording they would be proud to share with friends.
 I recorded a few groups here and there--none for cash money.  But they sound decent, overall.  Thanks to Josh Roman from Mindrocket showing me a few things, I can pull this off now.   I definitely still have a lot to learn.  But 1 point for me.
2. New album for KKC and White Cadillac.
Um.  No new KKC disc done yet.  Well, it's written.  Just not recorded.  Very proud of "Classy Ride for Sleazy People" though--so White Cadillac delivered the audio goods.  1/2 point.
3. Full album of my OWN. One that I write and play everything on. Do a wall of sound vocal style that would make Joe Elliot ‘bloody’ proud.
No.  Actually, thanks to the encouragement of a co-worker, I remixed all of my demo stuff (about 15 songs).  I really want to record this properly.  That's for the 2013 goals list. 0 points.
4. Hang out with friends and family more. I’ve become a bit of a hermit, so that needs to change quickly.
Yeah, I've done better with family, I think.  I go to see my grandparents 90% of Sundays, and hang out with my pops a couple of times a week.  Still kinda hermiting it up from time to time.  Eh. 1 point.
5. Help Erin with ‘family’ finances more—I usually have her handle all the bill writing, etc. Not fair, really. I think we need to be on this ‘online bill paying’ thing full-time.
We are 100% online pay-type-people now.  I know, I know, welcome to 2006.  Thanks.  1 point.
6. Finish Erin’s ‘awesome room’.
A couple of things need moved on shelves, but everything is here, and it is awesome.  I accomplished this over the summer. 1 point
7. Minimalist leaning—become less needy of “stuff”.
Just got a Wii U, autographed stuff from the Niners, tons of shirts, boatloads of CDs, and a badassed snowblower to top all others.  Miserable fail. 0 points
8. Practice patience—learn more about Buddhism.
I quit in the middle of a round of golf this summer.  I'm patient.  But I haven't gotten MORE patient.  And I still never finished my Thich Nhat Hanh book.  I'm awful.  0 points
9. Write four-five short stories—get ONE published.
I wrote another short story this year.  But didn't finish 4 or five, and got zero published. 0 points
10. Break 85 for 18 on the course. I can do this in 2012—especially if I achieve goal #8 first.
I thought this one was in the BAG in June.  I was shooting around 90.  Then, I got new clubs, decided to change my swing, and hacked it around everywhere, toiling in the upper 90s/lower 100s for three months.  I don't give myself minus points.  But if there was ever a time I should, this would be it. 0 points
Total 4.5/10 points -- Ugh.  That's embarrassing.

Goals for 2013
1. Finish a solo album.
2. Clean my garage, and organize it.
3. Finish seven video games, in their entirety.
4. Learn guitar--the basic chords, at least.  This will help me in my songwriting SO much.
5. Release KKC's "Seven Deadly Sins"--there's no WAY I'm not getting this point at the end of the year.
6. Release one new song every week (or cover tune) on Soundcloud--it must be posted by the end of Friday night--except if I'm on, like, vacation or something.
7. Get Erin an online jewelry store.  The stuff she's making is AWESOME, so I MUST get her stuff up for sale.
8. Keep this home consistently clean.
9. Become a better golfer.  No "set score" this year.
10. Read six books--for fun.  Not because I have to.

My Favorite Songs of 2012:
 These didn't have to be RELEASED in 2012.  If I encountered them for the first time this year, and I listened to it a boatload of times, then it's on here. (These are in no particular order--just how I'm putting them on CDs for people)

1. "How" - Regina Spektor

2. "Bones of Birds" - Soundgarden

3. "Falling" - Poema

4. "Death Knell" - Ghost

5. "Violet Rays" - Smashing Pumpkins

6. "Bucket List" - Nelly Furtado

7. "Revenge" - Danger Mouse / Sparklehorse

8. "My Boy" - Anneke van Giersbergen

9. "Reunion" - M83

10. "Scraping the Walls" - God Forbid

11. "How They Want Me to Be" - Best Coast

12. "Tempest" - Deftones

13. "Follow Me" - Muse

14. "Love Interruption" - Jack White

15. "Stray Heart" - Green Day

16. "Foolsong" - Baroness

17. "Drag Ropes" - Storm Corrosion

18. "Say Goodbye" - Norah Jones

19. "The Luckiest" (Ben Folds) - as performed by Washington University in St. Louis Mosaic Whispers

20. "Shards of Love" - Woods of Ypres

21. "September Song" - Willie Nelson

22. "Where We Belong" - Devin Townsend Project

23. "Madness" - Muse

24. "The Racing Heart" - Katatonia

25. "'Til You" - Alanis Morissette

26. "Apricots" - Poema

27. "One More Summer" - No Doubt

28. "Anteroom" - EMA

29. "Days Go By" - The Offspring

30. "Eula" - Baroness

31. "Werewolf" - Fiona Apple

32. "Harakiri" - Serj Tankian

33. "That's Why God Made the Radio" - The Beach Boys

34. "Divine" - Devin Townsend Project

35. "I Miss the Misery" - Halestorm

36. "Twinkler" - Baroness

37. "In the Wee Small Hours" - Frank Sinatra

My Top 10 albums of 2012 (In order, with #1 being the most bombassed): *Once again, as long as I first listened to the disc this year, I put it on the list*
10. Goatwhore - "Blood for the Master" 2012
A brilliant mix of black metal, death metal and thrash.  Damnit.  I really wanted to use the oxford comma in that last sentence.
9. Fiona Apple - "The Idler Wheel..." 2012
Yeah.  I'm not gonna type the whole album title.  At first, this album didn't do it for me.  But then, it grew on me--like an infection.  Not as good as "Extraordinary Machine" in my opinion--but close.
8. Deftones - "Koi No Yokan" 2012
Some say this is just like "Diamond Eyes Part 2"--but I severely disagree.  The choruses on this album are extremely poppy and memorable.  That's when the Deftones are at their best.
7. Storm Corrosion - "Storm Corrosion" 2012
I looked forward to this album for a long time, and it did NOT disappoint.  A collab between Steven from Porcupine Tree and Mikael from Opeth. It sounds like a mixture of Steven from Porcupine Tree and Mikael from Opeth.  Which means it's awesome.
6. Dying Fetus - "Reign Supreme" 2012
The stompiest death metal album since Internal Bleeding's "Driven to Conquer" almost a decade ago.  These guys are just super-talented.
5. Woods of Ypres - "Woods 4: The Green Album"  2011
The singer/songwriter died a year ago this week in a car crash--and I revisited their music.  I'm so glad I did.  I was missing out.  Very sad he'll never do more music.
4. Frank Sinatra - "In the Wee Small Hours"  1955
While listening to the first album on the list of "1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die"--I fell in love.  I listened to this album 75 times this year.  I'm not exaggerating.
3. Ghost - "Opus Eponymous"  2010
I listened to this album once in 2011--then a bunch more at the beginning of this year.  What would Deep Purple sound like if they were slightly satanic?  Probably like Ghost.
2. Poema - "Remembering You" 2012
I can't say that this shouldn't just be at number one.  I listened to this a ton--and I know every word.  The problem lies in the fact that I feel like a 17-year-old girl when I'm singing it, because I'm pretty sure that's the intended listening demographic.  But it's like bubble gum in my ears, covered in cotton candy.  It's so good.  I just can't help myself.  I'd say it's a guilty pleasure, but it's too damned good to feel guilty about it.
1. Baroness - "Yellow & Green" 2012
This is a double disc, which is dangerous.  You can really usually throw away five or six songs on a two-disc outing--but not here.  The songs here are just dark and memorable.  Hauntingly gorgeous.

 Okay.  Onward to 2013.  The ten goals I set for myself here are impossible.  Oh well.  I'll give 'er a go.

Girls and Golf: A Role Reversal

10/23/12
I know it's hard to fathom, but I wasn't always a super-smooth mega-hulk of a man.  No, throughout my middle school and high school years, I was quite the recluse.  I didn't feel confident or outgoing.  I felt smart enough--just not very brave.  And girls--that was a different beast all together.  I knew they were different, and yet, very much the same.  There was a certain apprehension I felt around the female species, and it never really ironed itself out until college, really.  I knew it was awesome being around them.  But my awkwardness was magnified to such immense proportions...I just didn't know what to do around them.  Be funny?  Be strange?  Be quiet?

I figured all that stuff out, though, eventually.  Or, at least, I found someone willing to put up with my awkwardness and shortcomings.  She's done so since I was 19.  Damn.  It feels like yesterday.

But my awkwardness with girls has been replaced by an awkwardness with golf.  I wasted ten more bucks at the Golf Dome again today, and I'm just fucking terrible--really.  I mean, I can hack my way to a 98 or 97.  It's never pretty.  I have a couple of good chips and putts.  But everything else is awful.

And I look around at the douchebaggery at the dome--you know, 24 year old dudes who you know are crushing beer cans on their faces and farting on each other at parties.  They can hit the ball.  I thought to myself, "Why does this game work out for them, but not for me?  I can't do that."

Then it hit me.  That's how it used to be with girls when I was in high school.  I knew that the dudes who were always with girls--different girls--every week, were pretty shitty people over all.  But it wasn't in my skill set.  Now, girls, fairly figured out.  Well, at least one girl.  Many of the rest of them still seem a bit kooky, from afar.  But golf is just never going to treat me well.  I can't figure it out.  I've had friends at the range--several of them--trying to help me out.  But I feel like Steve Carell in 40-Year-Old Virgin--thanks for the tips, but it's obviously not helping me.  I've even paid instructors.  Like, four of them.  If the golf course is the Sadie Hawkins dance, I'm the dude standing by the punch, hands in my pockets, wishing I was back at home playing Nintendo instead.

My goals list=epic fail, Wife injury, My teaching future

08/13/12
At the end of each year, I make a list of goals for the next one.  So, I know in 2012, I had planned a few things that probably won't get done.  I did get healthier by losing 35 pounds (30 of which are still gone--it's summer--cut me some slack).  However, I won't finish eight video games, I doubt I'll have a solo album done.  I got the rest of Erin's stuff from her parents' place over here, finally.  WC album is done and sounds tight.  Doing more musically, without question--but I don't have a firm grip on the BeeHive yet.

But I'm getting closer.  Found some phat (fat? phatt? fatty?) plugins which were undiscovered, and the music I've been mixing sounds far better. 

To make a point--my goal list is shaping up to be an epic fail, even though I've been doing a lot of stuff.  I don't usually revisit the list, because I like to surprise myself.  But I'm going to make an exception tomorrow.  I'm gonna look back and make a checklist.  I really want to get EVERYTHING on the list done.  Since over half of 2012 is already gone (holy shit!)--I've got to get busy.

My wife, who hurt herself in a freak accident just stepping out of a golf cart--tore a muscle where her calf is.  She can walk, but it's a gimpy-stride-kinda move.  The doc made her take a week off of work.  I hate the way it happened--but it's been really, really nice to have her around.  Even during the summer, I don't see her a ton because she's working 14 hour days.  For the past seven days, she has been around me.  I don't really want to see her leave tomorrow morning.  It feels like the end of summer.  Plus, the Olympics ending today--I can just sense that work is right around the corner. 

During most summers, I fall immediately into my natural sleeping pattern--which is 4 am to 11 am.  However, for most of this break, I was doing a 230 to 930 thing.   This week, the former is returning.  This is a bad sign.  It's going to make it impossible to going back, comfortably, to waking up at 630 in the morning.  I'm really looking forward to the new year.  I want to do a lot of things with WSCN, and I've added two more novels to the AP curriculum. 

Soon, I'm going to have to consider getting my doctorate--perhaps from Kent.  I always planned on teaching college.  However, I enjoy my job so much--I don't know if I could ever leave to move on to the college level.  There's something very rewarding about teaching high schoolers--but there's the discipline thing.  I don't deal with it much.  But I hate it.  I put it right below grading as my least favorite thing dealing with work. 

But I love the friends that I work with, and the program I run there.  I've said it many times before, but I feel very lucky to deal with the kids I deal with day in and day out.  They're always creative and unique.  But the professor thing is tempting.  This isn't a decision I have to make right now.  But it's one I must make soon.

Now, the only decision tonight--do I eat Sour Patch Kids?  I think I do.  I'll still be 29 pounds less in the morning. :-)

Time to be saved; Oh wait. Too late.

07/22/12
First and foremost, let me say that I'm a horrendous golfer right now.  Having trouble getting an iron shot in the air.  EVERYTHING shoots directly out to the right--kinda like, dare I say it--a shank.  And the ones I DO hit go far too high in the air.  I hope I fix it soon.  One of my favorite hobbies is providing me endless frustration.

Here's my point of ACTUAL frustration right now.  Every Sunday, I go to my family's house.  I like seeing everyone.  I've learned over the past few years that family is not necessarily a guarantee.  So, my mother's side has been fairly steady.

They're all very religious.  Every Sunday, they go to church.  My mother has had a picture of myself and my brother in a box on the altar.  I'm pretty sure that she prays that I'll start going again, every week.  I haven't gone to church since I was 17.  Not because I'm too lazy.  I just don't buy into it.  It's as simple as that.

I understand that every religion, if it is to succeed in the long run, must incorporate a couple of ideas:
1. Don't question the religion.  That's a sin, so doing so is totally unacceptable.
2. Spread the religion.  Teach others to be saved.  That is the only way you can "be true" to your religion.

This is brilliant because it ensures the survival of your religious ideals.  Any religion that doesn't include these parameters simply does not last very long. 

But I find the second one to be very concerning.  When you tell someone what they should believe, it's kinda like telling him/her that they have it wrong, and you have it right.  It really takes quite a bit of ignorance of the person who is "spreading the message".  I feel like I've been very quiet about the whole thing because it's important to most of my family.  In tough times, it gives them support.  That affirmation every Sunday is what they want and need--and I'm perfectly cool with that.  They get one life to live and then, they feel, there's the afterlife.  It's comforting to know when you're burying a loved one that you will "see them again someday"--once again, I don't believe that personally. 

Now, being raised a Christian has done some positive things for me.  I know that I want to help people who are in trouble.  Not because I think it'll get me to heaven/Nirvana/whosawhatsit.  I just think it's the right thing to do, and it makes me feel good.  Perhaps without church as a child, I'd have been a criminal.  I dunno.

But I was given a couple of DVDs to watch today--another attempt to show me my shortcomings and make me change.  I won't change.  Never will.  I take it because I don't want to be disrespectful.  However, I'm not going to watch them.  Apparently, there's a disc about marriage, too.  Which, once again, I won't watch.  I feel like I'm getting the marriage thing right because I love my wife and I work to make her happy.  She does the same for me.  And we go to bed quite fulfilled.  Without bedtime prayers.

I just keep smiling and nodding.  Eventually, I may not do that.  I may stand my ground.  It's going to upset people, but maybe it would give them identification with how I feel every few weeks when this kind of thing occurs.  I think it's a technique to try and bring one closer.  In this case, it's only going to push me further away. 

Muse. Ikkkk.

07.16.12
I've been lucky enough to play in a band since I was 13 years old.  Johnny Kihm and I thought we'd like to jam some ACTUAL music--not just watch it on TV and listen to it on our fancy tape players/CD players anymore.  So, Johnny decided to play bass (probably because there are less strings) and I decided to play drums (probably because there really wasn't a demand for trombone players in a rock/metal band).  We were really listening to Sepultura a lot around that time--but we weren't good enough to play that.  Hell, we might STILL not be good enough to play that.  Anyways, we joined up with a dude named Jeremy Russell, and we played in my basement.  I bought a 200 dollar Ludwig set (with cracked cymbals)--it was sparkly and blue--and we started.

This actually isn't all accurate, because my first time jamming was with Johnny--but it was in his basement.  I used this floating drum set thing (which sounded like crap) and Johnny had a bass.  Eventually, we hooked up with J. Russell. 

However, within a few months, that passed.  Jeremy was a little "non-committal" you could say.  I've known a lot of guitar players--many of them are non-committal.  They don't WANT to stay tied down to one thing for too long.  To be honest, drummers are usually the worst.  Their attention spans usually last as long as the instrument requires--which is about two seconds.  Then, you're on to pounding the hell out of a different cymbal or drum.  You need attention span to set up.  That takes what feels like an eternity.  I feel like I am different in that I stay focused on my tasks.  I don't wanna quit this and join that.  I'm lucky enough to be in two bands right now, both of which I enjoy very much.  But, this is a matter for later.

Anyhow, Deadlock came around when I was around 14.  Johnny and I were in a three-piece band with a guy in our class named Tom Strain.  Tommy was an athlete, and a smart kid.  He was a solid guitarist--though soloing, at that point in his playing career, wasn't his strength.  I sang and played drums.  I'm a pretty good singer, but my voice is not gruff.  I like harmonies, and I don't growl too much.  So, rock isn't always a perfect fit for me.  After a while, like two years and ten recorded songs, Tommy wanted to sing.  Johnny and I didn't like that idea.  We moved on.  So did he.

Next, we joined up with our friends Julian and Andy to form what would become known as Purge Cannister.  This was supposed to be a band of like, 20 people.   We were all gonna switch instruments all of the time.  Just write whatever we wanted.  Instead, we met John Prosenjak, and we instantly became a death metal band.  We setup a show at Amy's Campus 2000, and advertised RELENTLESSLY for weeks on campus.  I was around 17 or 18 then.  We drew about 300 people to our first show, just by word of mouth--creating a buzz.  Within our first two songs, we'd ripped up three bibles, spouted fake blood all over the place, and chased all 300 people out of the bar.  They all went to church the next day, I'm sure.

Julian figured out that death metal bands don't get chicks (something I still have not figured out, apparently) and Andy had other plans, so it was just John, Johnny and I.  We found an advertisement at New York Music in Niles (RIP) and called Jeremy Cibella.  He was 18 and had a Jesus light switch cover in his room.  But man, that kid could PLAY.  So, we jammed once, and DIRTNAP was formed.

Our first show (John, Johnny, Jeremy and myself) was at an AA bar in Girard.  We never got paid, and the cops came.  But 20 or 30 people saw us, and that was the first "KKC" show--though we didn't change our name until a few months later. 

KKC has been playing out since 1998.  We've seen a few changes here and there.  Sometimes, we were in a mode where we'd play five shows a month.  Sometimes, we'd play one show in six months.  It all depended on how we were feeling.  Without question, when I was 19--I was going to be famous.  Music was, for all intents and purposes, my first love.  I even went to YSU (on a full scholarship) to the Dana School of Music.  I stayed in the program for a year before my love of music was stifled.  I did get a minor in music from that time--but once I switched to English, that was it.  I still thought my band might get famous.  But, even then, it was tough.

Now, with the dying of the industry, it's even harder.  People like you and I--we don't always PAY for the music.  Illegal downloading is at an all time high.  Labels (like Roadrunner UK) are shutting down.  People's livelihood is being destroyed.  But nobody wants to buy CDs.  Okay.  I do.  I still by, like, 10 a month.  But that's how you end up with 3000 CDs.  Not everyone wants to do that, or has the means.  So, people have to save money in tough times--and why spend 10 bucks, when you can get it for free.

Near the end of 2010, I got a call from an acquaintance from YSU named BJ Lisko.  BJ was reforming his band, the Turbo Lovers, and he needed a drummer.  He said he wanted to have some fun, and wanted to know if I'd check it out.  While I was worried this might make the guys in KKC question my dedication, I decided to take a chance.

However, things didn't go like that.  Within a few days, BJ had talked to Adam May--our current guitarist and singer--and they wanted to reform a group they had had years ago.  Just for kicks.  And we did.  White Cadillac was born.

WC is a blast for me.  I love playing with both of them, because they're such great players and they KNOW what makes rock.  Like, there's definitely a groove I feel there.  The last WC album, I can listen to it, and be pleased with every track.  This brings me endless joy.  So far, I've been very pleased to play with BJ and Adam--because it's fun and it's rock n roll! That's one side.

KKC is on the other side.  It's my death metal band, and it's with my best friend, Johnny.  We fight and shit because, he's like a brother--and that's what brothers do.  So cliche.  But so true.  However, I know how dedicated he is.  It's a passion for him.  It's a passion for me, too.  I know Johnny's strengths and his weaknesses.  And Jeremy's.  And Ian's, KKC's singer now--who REALLY wants to work hard to take the band to new places.  Fame?  No.  Just make us happier to have more people singing along with our stuff. 

I'm not "settling" with the life I have.  My life makes me EXTREMELY happy.  This is the life I WANT to have.  I don't need bells or whistles.  I've never wanted sex, drugs and rock n roll.  I'm a teacher, with music as a strong interest.  That's what I've been since 2000.  It's what I'll continue to be.

But anyone who really knows me, has never questioned my love or dedication to music.  I've done it since I was two years old.  I could sing before I could talk.  A lot of people sell me short, because I'm a drummer.  But I can read music.  And write it.  I'm not a strong guitar player, but I can write riffs and harmonies as well as the next guy.  I play piano, trombone, drums, baritone, and I sing. 

On the new KKC album, I've written about half the music.  And this new disc is sounding GOOOOOOD. All of those dudes respect what I bring to the table--and they always have.  That's why it's comfortable. 

That's why it feels like home.

The 7 Best Wrestling Promos EVER!

06/19/12
I decided to start my morning of "what the hell am I doing up???well I might as well get stuff done" with laundry.  And, while I wait for laundry--a blog about wrestling promos.

I've been watching wrestling since I was, well, a fetus, perhaps.  I've been slacking over the past few months, though.  I decided to tune in for a very mediocre episode of RAW last night.   Man, these guys/gals SUCK at promos.  They're the most important thing in generating that crowd reaction you want.  They should watch THESE people do it.  These are my favorite promos ever.

#7 Booker T Throws Out a Racial Slur at Hulk Hogan
I know he did it accidentally, but this is just awesome.  I love the reaction of other people in the shot, too.  Sensational Sherri (who shows up in another promo later in the countdown) actually seems kinda proud of the faux pas--which is interesting in itself...

#6 The Ultimate Warrior
I really can't pick just one.  All of them were so over the top, and none of them really made any logical sense.  This is a nice collage.  Watch it, it'll probably make your day.  My favorite part is around :27, where he talks about the "freak of nature beginning to swell" and then ends that with some jibba jabba which makes no sense, in any form, when you listen to the ENGLISH contained within.

#5 Ric Flair
Just like the Warrior above, I love so many of his promos.  But, his are awesome because of how good he really is at it.  He works the crowd until they're into a frenzy.  He throws catch phrases out left and right, without really thinking about it.  Honestly, current wrestlers should watch this to see how it's done.  This is one of my favorites, from the late 80s.  Love his comments about the ladies/fans throughout.

#4 Roddy Piper - "The Hot Scot" (Wrestlemania VI)
I can't actually find this one on YouTube.  At WM6, Hot Rod painted himself right down the middle--trying to convey a split personality.  This kinda borders on racism, especially for the made for TV ones, where he was pretty much doing black face.  At WM6 though, he focused on the balance between being the Hot Rod and the Hot Scot.  Brilliant stuff.  Intimidating.  Creative.  Funny. 

#3 Macho Man/Zeus/Sherri Cage Promo
Macho is my favorite wrestler of all time.  However, for a while, he was acting like a crack addict.  I'll admit it.  For some reason, it was mostly around Sherri--who may have ACTUALLY been a crack addict.  Add a grunting and yelling Zeus, and the climbing all over the cage.  Man, this one is way over the top!

#2 Dusty Rhodes - "Kings and Queens" Promo for Billy Graham
Dusty WAS wrestling promos.  The only reason he was popular is because he made people love him.  He became known as the common man because people identified with him--and the things that he said.  The "wined and dined with kings and queens" promo for Graham is, undoubtedly, my favorite Dusty moment.  This guy could have the audience eating out of the palm of his hand within two seconds.  Every time.

#1 Jake the Snake Roberts - "Wallowing in the Muck of Avarice"

I just realized WM6 had some awesome promos.  This one is poetic.  Cold.  Intimidating.  Stunning.  Beautiful.  Heartfelt.  And was probably done while Jake was getting over a few lines of coke right before the show.  Either way, I still remember hearing this as a kid and getting chills.  It was so perfect.  If there's a promo EVER done better than this one--that will be my new favorite grappler.  Until then, we just have to watch Monday Night Amateur Hour...



The Smelko Effect

06/18/12
This past Sunday was, of course, Father's Day.  Hung out with my dad and my family, went to a grad party, etc.  Something rather intriguing went on within me, however--quite by accident.  I went to my cousin Breanna's THIRD birthday party.  They were swimming and being children.  Good times.  However, she lives in Hubbard off of South Main St.  This is significant because much of my early childhood was spent growing up at 117 South Main St.  I drove by my childhood home.  Well, where my childhood home USED to be.  Right after my parents sold it in 1985, and we moved to Waugh Dr. in Hubbard--a company bought our old house on South Main and turned it into a parking lot.  So, my childhood home is gone.  So is the home to the left of our house there--which was once occupied by a woman who had THOUSANDS of those plaster figurines.  Nice enough, she was.  However, the figurines gave her a level of creepdom.

Anyhow, I came to grips with my childhood home being gone long ago.  Like I said, they knocked it down in early 1986.   I told my mom to drive by so I could see the hole where the house was.  There is was.  Eh.  I have memories, and I could still describe that house--every inch of it--today.  I wasn't BORN living there.  I lived in a trailer park on Belmont Ave. for the first four months of my life--then it was to South Main. 

Point is, there was an old man who lived to the RIGHT of us on South Main named Bert Smelko.  I don't recall exactly how old he was.  He seemed DAMNED old when I was 7.  I'd say he was in his 70s.  He had a wife there for a few years.  She died.  I remember the delicious pies disappeared that she made, and he was sad.  But, he spent more time on the porch, and that was okay with me.  That's where I wanted him to be.  When I was bored (especially before Donnie was born), I'd hike over to his porch and sit and talk with him.  He talked to me like I was more grown up.  I mean, he wasn't dropping F-bombs.  But, you know, he'd have intellectual conversations with me, even though I was like, five.  Once we moved to Waugh (I had a neighbor THERE named Ernie, so I had Bert and Ernie as neighbors.  Thought that was goddamned hilarious back then), I lost track of Bert.  A handful of years later--like in the early 90s--he died.  I didn't go to his funeral.  I really wanted to remember him as the guy on the porch. 

That was shattered as I drove to Bree's party on Sunday.  His house was never ABANDONED, that I can remember, since his death.  Now, it is.  The swing on the porch is gone.  Trees are overgrown, swallowing the rickety home.  I'm sure his garden is overgrown and long forgotten.  So is he, I'm sure.  He was a quiet dude.  But that house had pictures of all of his family.  His child.  His dead wife.  Now, no one cares about it really.  Except for me, I suppose.

My high school is gone now--knocked down.  I couldn't care less, really.  I thought high school was utterly stupid, which is why I try to make it NOT that for the students I have now.  But that porch was really the last visible bastion of my early years.  Sitting there next to him, I would think about being an actor, or becoming a major league baseball umpire, or playing a new Atari game that I wanted--and he would just listen to me ramble, and he'd ramble back.  He made me feel like I could control ANYTHING when I got older. 

Seeing the brush swallowing up the area where I once felt like I could control it all.  And now, for some reason, it brought a sense of a loss of that control.  I wouldn't mind talking to that old man one last time.

Love of Hitch, Summer list

06/16/12
Thus far, this has been a refreshing summer.  I've been golfing a lot, and hanging out with my friends.  Musically, slow--but I'm not too bummed about that at the moment.  I need to refresh myself a bit, and sometimes, that means just enjoying your free time and being alive.  My wife has been working her ass off and--while some husbands would be like "Yay!"--I'm not.  I sincerely appreciate her company.  In fact, you know I can't go a whole blog without mentioning golf--I saw her get her first birdie ever today on the 4th hole at Old Avalon--a par 4.  She drove it to 80 yards left, hit it within two feet, and putted it in.  Damned happy for her. 

In my boredom, and three Kentucky Bourbon Barrels in, I decided to take a break from the nonstop viewing of the US Open (go Tiger) to watch Alfred Hitchcock's I Confess.  I had a Hitchcock class in my Masters studies several years ago (fun fact: with my future White Cadillac band mate, BJ Lisko).  I've been pretty in love with Hitch ever since.  I love his film style and the subliminal nature he utilizes to deliver non-subliminal truths.  There are NO directors like him now.  Nothing is visual or subtle.  I still harbor aspirations of writing a script and filming a full length feature--albeit on a low budget, I'm sure.  Though I don't love movies, I love the process of MAKING them.  I totally sound like the clueless wife of the owner of Noah's Arcade in Wayne's World right now.  But, I've always wanted to attempt this.  Someday, I will.  It might be awful.  But I think, visually, I could put a rather impressive piece together. 

I digress.  Watching I Confess really inspired me to watch more Hitch this summer.  I have over 50 of his films--a handful, I've still never watched.  Plus Seasons 1 and 2 of his TV show.  So, I'm going to watch more Hitch this summer.  And putting THAT on the list made me want to make a list of goddamned lists.  Okay.  No it didn't.  But I DID decide to make a list of things I want to accomplish before the WG comes calling again.  So, here it is:

My "Do This Shit for Summer 2012" List:1. Clean the garage and the basement.  Seriously.  It's pretty out of line.  This is mundane.  But I've gotta do it.
2. Get Erin's "stuff" over to the house.  She still has several things stored at her parents' place (as I call it, the "storage facility").  I gotta get that here.
3. Make sure Whit Acres is turning out some delicious produce.
4. Figure out my irons (or sell the damned things) and shoot below 40 for nine holes.  I shot a 46 today, and it wasn't pretty.  With three less mistakes, I'm at a 39.
5. Get the 49ers room taken care of.  Also, get a Mario Manningham signature for the room.  This just needs to happen. 
6.  Use the BeeHive to record the new KKC disc.  Also, more solo stuff.  Also, someone who isn't me.  Also, a duet with someone.  This all needs to happen.
7.  Play a few video games, and finish them.  I suck so much at completing games right now.
8. Write. 
9. Do things for my Dad.  Like, my pops cuts my grass and takes really good care of his sons.  My brother and I have both been treated really well by Fred Sr.  He's older now, and I need to help a bit more. 
10. Destroy the last 25% of my temper.  It showed up today.  I need to just be chill all of the time.  There's nothing in my life, seriously, worth being angry about.  I need to finish the Thich Nhat Hanh book and just remember that shit.  It's really not that hard, and life would be even better--which is hard to fathom.
11. My "musical" business venture--which I haven't talked much about--is almost underway. It's going to require more connections, more networking, more getting out of my house.  But, I'm 34.  So, that's not TOTALLY old yet.
12. Sharpen up my skillz on guitarz and pianoz.  I can play both of these at a minimal level.  However, if I learn how to play both of these better, all of the musical concepts that come into my head, can be released.  I've seriously been singing like, 10 different things--over and over again--for two years.  In my head, they're already existing songs.  But they've never been played.  I'm like Mr. Holland without the creepy moustache and the crush on curly haired girls that are far too young.

Everybody else is doing it, so why don't we?

06/04/12
I start this blog with some awesome news, though I think I may have posted something about it online a couple of weeks ago.  Erin and I are going to be an aunt and uncle!  My brother Donnie and my (favorite) sister-in-law, Kelsey, are expecting in November.  This is absolutely awesome news.  Like, I think they'll be great parents.  It will make my father and mother a grandpa and grandma, which I know they're going to be psyched about.  When they first told me (using a very clever fake newspaper headline), it didn't register right away.  Kelsey was video recording my reaction, and I'm pretty sure I looked like an even bigger douche than I usually do.  I'm not sure if I've EVER been this excited about anything--I can't wait to have a niece/nephew!

But, there's a little bit of a catch.

You see, my family is obsessed with babies.  My mother's side, in particular.  Like, they all want babies falling off of shelves, hiding under couches.  They pretty much want a world full of babies.  Pooping and peeing.  Gurgling.  Letting their big heads flop around on their rubbery necks.  They love it.

My wife and I plan on having children.  We're both 34.  So, we're not young.  But neither of us sees the reason for a rush.  There are a few reasons for this.  One, we don't know if we're ready to spend that money.  We both like toys.  I really dig drums.  Video games.  Pianos.  Golf clubs.  She likes purses.  Clothes. Kitchen gadgets.  All that--well, most of that--goes away after you have kids.  So, first and foremost, we're still kinda selfish.

Secondly, we don't see kids as something you have to do within a certain amount of time after you get married.  After--let's say--two years.  People start asking.  "So, when you having little ones?  Are there kids in the future?  Did you build an extra room in your house for kids?"

Still not sure WHY two years is the amount of time.  Like, if you don't shoot out an infant after 800 days of marriage--did you miss the ovulation boat? 

Truth be told, I think my wife would be a wonderful mother--and I don't think I'd screw the kid up too badly.  But it's just not time.  If we both turn 43 and it's still not time, then we just don't have any. 

Maybe I'll just sell them on the Puerto Rican black market.  Then, I'm getting the fun of having a baby for a short time, without all the commitment.

The search for reason: Relationships

05/31/12
I never take for granted the relationship I have with Erin.  My wife and I have been together since we were 19.  July 15, 1997, to be exact.  At 2 a.m. Over the phone.  I asked her to be mine.  She did.  I'm a douche.

Either way, in the 15 years since then, we've had two fairly harsh disagreements.  Two.  Like, they weren't ever like, "I'm breaking up with you."  And, "Oh yea?  Well, I'm breaking up with you."  They were tear-filled exchanges that ended in a very short amount of time.  On both occasions, outside stresses caused the fray.  But, we worked it out.  It is said that a good relationship takes a lot of hard work.

But it really doesn't, I don't think.  As long as both people are always willing to go out of their way to make their spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/idunnowhatwearebutitscomplicatedperson happy at all costs, it's smooth sailing.  My marriage has brought me 99.98% happiness.  Before we were married--we'll it brought me less happiness, because I had to drive her home every night, and return to an empty room--which caused me heartache every single time.

A good relationship should bring you pleasure 10 times out of 10.  Seriously.  Some "single" people I talk to, both in "real life" and on the "internetz"--they're really good people.  They just don't know what they want yet.  That's perfectly fine, I think.  One should take his/her time. 

I happened to be lucky in that I found a super-cool chick who is laid back.  And I'm laid back.  And she makes me happy.  Cooks me awesome food.  Let's me shop in the CD store for hours--and helps me look for stuff in the ridiculous used bins.  She supports my music habits and my endeavors with my TWO bands.  She understands my strengths, and knows that things that "aren't in my skill set" (as I tell her) are probably never going to be in my skill set.  And she buys me nice clothes, and tells me that I look awesome in them.  And she buys me sour patch kids.  And she watches Sportscenter with me.

And I grab her milk at night.  And get her blanket ready.  I watch "Hardcore Pawn" with her, even though it makes me hate humanity.  And I water flowers and gardens, even though it's not my thing--but because it makes her extremely happy, it is now my thing, too.  And I take her Chipotle when she's at work.

You know, there's just little things that we do that make the other one feel pretty damned good.  We don't talk about it.  We just have always had that understanding.  Sometimes, I see people suffering over their significant other.  Faltering at the worst times.  Being aggressive or verbally abusive.  That's when people say the dreaded, "Well, love takes effort."  Yes.  Good effort.  Not negative effort, like understanding that he just gets angry sometimes and flies off the handle.  And not that she's "usually really cool, but some days she just turns into a super bitch."

Why does one have to settle for that?  We only have one life.  I'm not gonna say goddamned YOLO.  But, seriously, we get one try at this fulfillment before we die.  Some take comfort in an afterlife and eternal happiness.  I'm not banking on all that.  I've got now.  Erin has been, from the first time I talked to her, someone who I never had to "suffer" through.  I don't have to accept her negatives, because, really they're uttlerly insignificant.  And I grew up watching Disney movies and seeing these prince/princess tales, and the love stories where "I'd take a bullet for you"--and "The Wedding Singer".  I saw all that, and I wanted that someday when I got older.

Luckily, I found something even better.

Wal-Mart. Subway. Butt cheeks.

05/07/12
Well, so much for writing in this thing errrrday.  I've fallen far short of that goal.  However, I'd like to think that summertime will provide me a moment or two more of freedom to write in this--and work on a novel. And the studio.

But probably not.  D and I have decided to change the back patio--you know, replace the wood with Trex decking.  Rather than scrub it all and re-stain it, we'll just change it to the no-maintenance stuff we have on the front walkway and patio.  However, Erin D. never goes halfassed on anything.  Anything.  So, now we have an enclosure being added.  With a step down onto a different section.  With a hot tub.  I have no idea what in the Hell is going on.  But I do know it might cut into my golf time.  Aww helllll nawww.

I can't go a whole entry without mentioning my golfing progress.  I've gone to the range 8-10 times in the past month.  I'm working on footwork, and just getting my swing to be more fluid.  So far, so good.  I want to be shooting in the upper 80s consistently by the end of summer, and I think that's a legitimate goal.  I had set my sights on 20 birdies this year, but I've already got six--so I think that's gonna be too easy to attain.  So now, a goal for my WHOLE game.  We'll see.

I stopped by WalMart today to pick up some discs for the WSCN banquet and the Robotics banquet.  Humanity is in God-awful shape.  There are rich people and poor people and middle class people--I understand.  But, lady, PLEASE--please--cover your butt cheeks.  Even if you were less people than you are--you still should keep the butt cheeks tucked undercover.  Especially with your three kids walking around with you.  This lady.  Bright green fuzzy tank top. Fuzzy bottoms. Wedged into several areas. Awful.

Then, a dude at Subway was like, "I want my sub toasted."  The girl's like, "No problem."

She takes it out.  He asks her to put all his veggies on.  Then he says it's "not as toasted as he likes"--so he wants her to take all the veggies back off again.  And re-toast it.  The second toasting doesn't get it done.  The third, well--now it's a bit too burnt for his liking.  When I worked with the public at the Sears Paint Department (of Magic and Awesomeness) for six years--I lost my faith in people.  Being around a lot of bright young kids everyday restores that faith.  Then, WalMart and Subway yank it away from you again.  Perhaps the Subway guy is married to the fuzzy tank-top, thong shorts lady from WalMart.  It's the only justice I could wish for, at this point.

Damn. This thunderstorm is NOT messing around.

So, just a quick post.  Now, I'm off to organize my new CDs.  With Record Store Day, and a bunch of awesome releases coming out, I've got a stack of discs to be filed.  I still buy 5-15 CDs a month, I'd say.  My collection is over 2700 now, which is a tad bit on the ludicrous (not Ludacris) side.  Next post, I'll focus on the KKC progress and--some really, really, really awesome news in my life.  But, alas, that update must be postponed for a short while longer.  So psyched!

Pipe Dreams of a Ball Striker

04/19/12
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WH0IZwiAQ4&list=FLDOR0Yyu7kfgsEaXXFj7Vqw&index=3&feature=plpp_video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5vSgRRJsgs&list=FLDOR0Yyu7kfgsEaXXFj7Vqw&index=2&feature=plpp_video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ku-Rz-GAP5c&list=FLDOR0Yyu7kfgsEaXXFj7Vqw&index=1&feature=plpp_video

These are just three of the seven or eight videos I watched today.  I think I've officially tumbled over the threshold of insanity. 

Ok.  I have three unachievable dreams.  Number 1: I want a roller coaster in my backyard.  Number 2: I want to be able to play guitar like Eric Clapton.  Number 3: I want to be a ball striker.

Sad thing is, 1 and 2 are still more likely than 3 at this point in time.

Anyone who's played the game with me knows that I am often a hot mess.  I can aim where I like, but my swing changes every time, so the ball could go damned near anywhere.  Like I said yesterday, I shot a 99 at Old Avalon, and I don't know how I did THAT, since I really didn't bring ANY aspect of my game.  From tee shots to putting, I was hackeriffic. 

I want people to say, "Damn.  That dude is a ball striker."  I've said it about a few people.  Friends.  Dudes on the range.  No one has ever said that about me.  Because I'm not.  My contact isn't solid.  I sweep the ball.  I go to the range.  I've been there probably 10 times in the last three weeks.  I'm ready to put in the work.  But these damned YouTube videos simply are not getting it done.  I'm only engraining my bad swing habits, becuase I don't know what to change.  In fact, if I did golf tomorrow, I'm not sure I could hit the ball at this point.  I literally was outside swinging in the dark just now.  (My clubs.)

So, I dunno.  I'm really at a loss.  I watch videos like PGA golfer, Matt Kuchar--man, that guy is a ball striker.  That's what I want.  But he's got a flatter swing.  Doesn't seem feasible.

Shit.  And I just watched this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdLVvfGbcYE&feature=related

What is that, a metal shelf? 

So, anyhow--I'm going to get much better this summer.  No matter what.  Like, I've determined this.  Perhaps, with about 2,300 more videos, and 10,000 more practice shots at the range, the simplicity of the golf swing will be apparent.

Golf & The Anger Monkey

04/18/12

That picture pretty much sums up what golf has done to me, off and on, for the past eight or nine years.  I didn't start playing until I was in my mid-20s.  Went with a couple of friends from school--just for laughs.  Played 18 at Walnut Run that day, and I think I shot in the low 130s.  It was awful.  Somehow, out there, I got hooked.  Now, I'll usually finish between 95-100 for 18.  Quite a bit more efficient.

But the game of golf has forced me to address parts of my persona that I usually hide--namely, my competitive temper.  I can get viciously angry.  Not at people, usually.  Just at myself.  And hitting that damned white ball into that damned little cup can push that aspect to the limit.

The club you see above is on my fireplace mantle right now.  My father-in-law thought it would be funny to display it for the family when they were here on Easter.  It's been either three or four years since I snapped that club in two on an uphill par five (on purpose, by the way.  I held it in my hand and kicked into two pieces like Ralph Macchio).  But, I keep it around--as a reminder.  All in all, I've broken two drivers, one 3-wood, two putters, and I threw a gap wedge 45 yards into a lake.  Once again, this is several years ago.  But it happened.

Just when I think I'm getting this game in check (for example, with my lovely at Mahoning yesterday, shooting a very respectable 43), the game puts ME back in check (for example, the run of 7,7,8,7,6 I took today at Old Avalon).  The proverbial anger monkey sometimes, when agitated, will climb into my skull through my spinal column, and I want to explode.  I'm blaming this on Fred Sr., indirectly.  He told me when I first started playing that, "You should stop before you start.  I played for three years, then one day, I got too angry, bent half my clubs around a tree, and threw the others, with the bag, into the pond.  Never went back.  You'll do it, too."

But I haven't.  The other day, after going only 2 over through 5 holes, I took a 13 on a hole.  A 13.  Four into various ponds and lakes, and a four putt.  Boom.  You've got a 13.

I am lucky enough to have several friends who also golf.  In fact, I have a foursome that goes out every Thursday during the summer.  Every week.  We play solo, sometimes best ball, 2 v 2 match play--whatever.  But, I'm lucky to have Frank, Mark and Phil.  They've seen me act like a five year old, on several occasions.  But they keep asking me back, in spite of all my douchery.  Some guys would KILL to have ONE dude to golf.  I've got three.  Plus my wife.  And our friends.  And other friends.

In other words, I'm glad I started playing.  Pure and simple.  I don't love very many hobbies more than golf.  But, the other day, on my 13 hole, as the ball bounced off of the boulder in the bunker I was in, 40 yards backwards, and back INTO the lake I'd already been in three times that trip--I chuckled.  And kept playing.  I've got a BUNCH of character flaws, but this temper is the worst of them.  And, I'm getting it under control.

Now, if I could just get this putter under control...

KKC: The writing process

04/14/12
Started my day out proctoring the ACT Test.  Didn't have enough desks.  When I went to move desks, dropped a book on my foot.   It's just what I do.

But the event of the day was Kitchen Knife Conspiracy jamming.  Jeremy (guitarist) came to the BeeHive with three or four new riffs.  We, of course, start playing around with them.  But, as anyone who knows my band knows--we have a different singer than we had for the previous five releases.  Ian (who spent time in other bands, most notably IO) is ready to RECORD.  Like, itching for it.  So am I.  We all are.  In fact, up until the last album, we never went more than two years without releasing SOMETHING.  It's been almost six years now.  Tons of changes.  But several things have really drawn out the process this time.

1. The Beehive.  We spent a few years finishing the studio--which also serves as our practice space.  For a while, KKC was without a jamming spot.  Johnny's pops was a little tired of our shenanigans--leaving wrappers and drink bottles around--so we didn't really want to impose there any longer.  So for several months, even if we wanted to jam, we couldn't.
2. No singer.  John Prosenjak just kinda decided he was done with the band--due to his career, from all indications.  I can see that being an excuse for some people.  I can't ever imagine a point in my life where I won't be playing music.  Like, when I'm 96 and living in a home, I'd insist on having a drum I could beat on with my flappy skin, just to create a beat.  Lots of exciting imagery for y'all there. 
3. Singer tryouts, and getting Ian up to speed on older stuff.  Really, this was the biggest hurdle.  We didn't know if we could find someone to fit the bill.  Luckily, Ian is super-awesome and endlessly loves music.  He wears Vanilla Ice shirts--but besides that, he's okay.  I mean, stepping in to sing for a band where half the lyrics are still slightly undecipherable--that's a challenge.  We had around 50 songs he needed to look through and learn.  We'll have to revisit these before the next show.
4. My knee.  I broke my kneecap.  That's a boatload of shittiness, when you're a drummer.
5. The ambition of the new album.  We decided to do a thematic-type thing.  Seven deadly sins.  So, there's instrumentals to be done.  We've been chopping songs we don't like after a while.  Changing them.  Shifting titles.  I'm pretty sure we've flirted with 20 different full songs by now, but we're still sitting around 12-14 potential tracks for the disc.  No pressure.  When you're in a death metal band in Youngstown, Ohio--I don't think you have pressure.  Fans will just be pumped to hear new shit.  And I guarantee, we'll be pumped to play it for them.

So, as Jeremy continues to bring bungloads of riffs, and Ian continues to bitch about how we can't write more songs until we record the ones we have--it's actually getting closer.  Today, several of the newer songs were just getting really, really tight.  Especially "They're All Dead in There"--oh. God.  I can't WAIT until people can hear that track.  It makes me want to punch myself in the face.  No exaggeration.  It's THAT balls-up.

Famous people die. Do I care? Sometimes.

04/13/12
So, well-known people die--supposedly in groups of three.  I don't buy into that.  My wife will be like, "Well, the third is due."  And then somebody like Mr. Clean dies.  And I'm like, "Does that count?"

"No," she says.  "He wasn't famous enough."

Not sure what level of fame you have to possess to be counted in the groups of three thing.  Either way, here's a list of people that died that you might care about, that didn't really matter to me at all.

People who died, but not really bummin' me out too much:
(1) Chuck Schuldiner - He was the singer/songwriter of the death metal band, Death.  First of all, if you name your band Death, and people are sad when you die, I think there's gotta be some irony hiding around in there somewhere.  Secondly, I really never liked Death.  The band.  Or the act of dying, really.  But, the band never did anything for me.  It was sad that he died early, of course.  But, the whole metal world mourned, and I was like, "Mehhhh..."
(2) That Brad guy from Sublime - I hate Sublime.  I hated them the first time I heard them, because it was "What I Got"--which is a blatant rip-off of "Lady Madonna" by the Beatles.  They released that disc, and everyone who get smashed all the time loves it.  It just doesn't really resonate with me.  Had a chance to see them in concert.  No thank you.  The saddest thing about this is that, when he died, he became legitimized.  If he hadn't died, Sublime would've faded away, and he'd be working at a vaccuum store.
(3) Amy Winehouse - Great voice.   Bad decision-maker.
(4) Ringo Starr - Oh.  Wait.  He didn't die yet?  Coulda fooled me.

People who died that really bummed me out, but you probably don't care, if you're part of the majority:
(1) Peter Steele - Lead singer and bassist of Type O Negative.  His death still bothers me because I won't get any more music from TON.  That sucks.  My wife and I did see them in concert many, many times.
(2) Macho Man Randy Savage - My favorite wrestler, and a huge part of my childhood.  Ooooh yeahhhh!  Ohhhh noooooo!
(3) David Gold - Singer and songwriter for Woods of Ypres, from Canada.  I really dig their music.  Very atmospheric.  Died in December 2011 in a car wreck.  Sucks.  Last song they released before he died?  "Kiss My Ashes Goodbye" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFfZYyOgjhM
(4) Pat Morita - I dunno why.  I just hate that this guy's dead.

Checkerboard: Possible "other" careers

04/12/12
While my profession has brought me quite a bit of satisfaction, teaching was not at the top of my dream jobs when I was younger. In fact, it never even blipped on my radar until I was almost 21 (and I got my job at Harding at 22).  I thought it would be fun to look back on some other possible careers that I considered (some more briefly than others) as I grew up.

We'll start with the obvious ones:
(1) musician - I began as a music major, on a full-ride to Dana School of Music.  In order to keep my full-ride, I just had to maintain a 3.0.  I did that.  But, I started to hate music.  They made it far too scientific.  Having rules you couldn't break (though many famous composers made their names BREAKING those very same rules).  Truth be told, I just couldn't dedicate to trombone vehemently enough to become "great" at it.  I was pretty damned good.  But, a small fish in a big pond (filled with music snob fish) at Dana.  So, after one year (and a minor in performance), it was off to DeBartolo Hall for me.  In my high school yearbook, when asked WHERE I'D BE IN 10 YEARS, I answered, "Living in an A-Frame on a lake in Mecca, Ohio--writing music for a living".  Yep.  That's something you say when you're 17.

(2) writer - I headed over to DeBartolo, to start a BA in English.  I knew I was a good writer, so I figured, I'd try to pursue it.  This was a very successful endeavor.  Graduated with a 3.5, and wrote a lot of stuff.  Also, I read a lot of stuff--which still isn't one of my favorite hobbies, believe it or not.  So, I went into the advisor's office and she was like, "So, you're gonna have a BA in English in one month.  What are you gonna do?" 
I'm like, "Uh.  I dunno." 
She says, "Well.  Uh.  You might wanna think about that now.  You could move to a big city and become a writer or work for a publisher."
I'm like, "Uh. I like it here."
She says, "Well.  That's odd.  You could teach.  Just take some education courses.  You'd be done in about a year."
Im like, "Uh. Ok. I'll do that."
And, just like that, my dreams of becoming a writer ducked under a dusty tablecloth in the corner of my basement.  They haven't emerged since.

(3) salesperson / Sears management -  Believe it or not, this seemed possible.  I worked there all through college, and I'm pretty sure a lot of the people above me at the store thought I'd pursue this.  Being a salesperson actually fits me quite well.  I like talking to people, and I can sound like I know my shit.  So, I considered this for about six minutes.  Then, I realized that a lot of the lifers there who were talking about their careers seemed absolutely miserable.  Then, I heard Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Waters, and I had to get away from that place forever as soon as possible.

(4) MLB Umpire -  I'm a football guy now, but growing up, I loved baseball.  I wasn't an athlete, but I was always the kid who wanted to umpire backyard games.  This is just another reason why the ladies couldn't stay away from me.  Ultra cool all the time.  I really looked into becoming an umpire as a teenager.  Once I saw how few made it, I decided that it was a pipe dream.

(5) broadcaster - Funny, because I've been teaching broadcasting for eight years now.  I always wanted to be on TV or on the radio.  Flirted with the idea.  Once again, just seemed like it was a career that was shrinking (and this was BEFORE pod casting).  Still, if teaching fell through, this would be my go-to second choice.

(6) actor - Damnit.  I really wanted to act.  I hated Fred Savage.  I thought I would've been way better for the Wonder Years.  And Winnie was super cute.  I think I begged my mom to let me move to Hollywood a few times.  She said it wasn't feasible.  Imagine that.  But, I'm going to do some theatre.  Soon.  Very soon.

So, I teach.  And I love it.  I really don't have regrets.  But one can't help but wonder about the road not taken.  Maybe, once teaching has faded away years from now, I'll brush the weeds from the unused paths behind me and go for a stroll.

Creating separation: Disassociation of music and events

04/11/12
Because my Zune (I'm such a hipster) is pulling a temporary vanishing act, I've been forced to just grab a CD on the way out the door for my on-my-way-to-work listening pleasure for the past few days.  Today, I grabbed No Doubt's Return of Saturn.  It's a strange album to listen to for a couple of reasons. Number one, I bought it with a gift card given to me by Mrs. Bowser, my cooperating teacher in my final student teaching assignment in Spring of 2000.  So, for the last few days, I'd listen to it while driving to Girard High School and back.  For some reason, the album really connected to me.  Most of the songs on the disc dealt with Gwen Stefani's longing for motherhood and the internal conflict she was finding--career or family.  At some strange level, my confusion as to whether I'd FIND a teaching job--or did I really EVEN WANT to teach at all--that connected to the album, in my mind.   I was also reading a lot of Sylvia Plath, which I recently found out was what Gwen was reading at the time.  So, maybe that's a connection.  Strange.  Secondly, the album is odd in that it escaped my decision, around 1995, to separate songs from life experiences.

Everyone connects music to times in their lives, right?  Wrong.  Not me.  I force myself to avoid it.  It started with the death of my grandmother, Meem, in October 1995.  She had ridiculously long calling hours.  On the way to the funeral home, for three days straight, I'd listen to "Jail" from Down's album, Nola.  Here is a link to the most depressing track I've heard in my life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrfz71YEOZc

The song has nothing to do with death, really.   But, after the saddest week I've ever known--now I always hear that song, and have to battle tears.  Everything, from hearse rides, to flowers in caskets, to handwritten poems tucked into her hands--that song was the soundtrack.  Hell, I have gray hair on my head from those three days.  Literally.  So, I made the decision.  I wasn't going to let experiences form an association with songs.  This is immensely difficult.  Especially for someone like me, who connects to music on multiple levels.  Life of Agony's River Runs Red album, Billy Joel's And So It Goes, the aforementioned Down song--these things were destroyed by negative spaces within my existence.  So I turned that switch off.  KCi and JoJo's song "All My Life" was a song that D and I danced to almost every Saturday at Sammi Mac's from ages like, 21 to 24. Logically, that was the song for our first dance as husband and wife.  So, that song, pleasantly, has also been allowed to form a deep emotional connection to a memory.  Otherwise, I've blocked that from my psyche. 

Is this strange?  Are there songs you connect to, on a personal level?  Do you regret those connections, or do you cherish them?

I came up with a blog topic while listening to Gwen Stefani singing about washing in someone else's old bathwater.  Odd, on its own.